We're gonna have a baby.
(A baby GIRL!)
And she'll be whole and perfect!
Charlotte Rose Lacey - coming March 2014.
I'm not one for labels, but I think one I might contentedly accept is that of "introvert." According to the all-knowing Google, an introvert is "a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person." While this is not a highly favorable definition, it does reflect the typical opinion of such a person. After a quick search for a more satisfying definition, I found this about.com page, which states (with my notes in parentheses - please click on the link to read the article note-free):
Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. ((While I would personally include the "shy" part for myself, I do agree that this is different for each person. Heck, an extrovert can be shy too, but be affected differently!)) Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge." ((This is so true for me. I never just go to the mall for the "fun" of it or search out party/dance invitations. Environments full of people - even those I know - tend to be very stressful for me. While I consider myself to have decent social skills, I just feel totally out of place in those situations. My only solace is finding or bringing a good friend who is willing to stick with me through the place or event - including large grocery stores and certain activities. Hubby has learned not to leave me alone in unfamiliar places because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me.))
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. ((This is something I love about my relationship with Hubby. While we are often in the same room, we are comfortable with doing our own little activities. We enjoy spending time together, but we are also content with silence, which can be very refreshing for someone like myself.))
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. ((Put simply, I despise small talk. I feel like it is a waste of time, and conversations typically end in an awkward "Well, bye...."))
I feel this definition more thoroughly and adequately describes how I would consider myself, as an introvert. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I do believe it can "hurt" you socially. Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends. I tended to be friendly with those with whom I had things in common - my advanced class classmates, fellow choir members, ward members, etc. However, when all was said and done, I was perfectly happy just going straight from class to class, then right home. I didn't require time out with friends - seeing them at school or wherever else was enough to fill my social quota for the day.
This isn't to say I didn't have friends I considered close and enjoyed being around - I just didn't need to be in contact for longer than we naturally were. Class, lunch, and the occasional hang out were enough. Now, as I said previously, I despise small talk. I have always despised small talk. In fact, I used to become anxious whenever I needed to use a phone because I was all about the "meat" of the conversation while many other people enjoy basking in the "fluff." I don't enjoy fluff. just get down to business. Please tell me what you called to say right away. If we had a freak storm recently, please feel free to bring up the weather. If either of us were recently ill, go right on and talk about that. Politics? Eh, that's not really my thing in any situation. In any case, when the meat is gone, the conversation is over. No fluff for me, thanks.
The largest downside I've experienced with being introverted is that people tend to assume I'm "snobby" or find me unapproachable. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, or above conversation, I just prefer to actually have something to talk about when I find myself in a conversation with someone. I can't count how many times a simple "Hey, how are you?" has quickly descended into awkwardness (a word which might as well be my middle name when it comes to social interactions.) I do genuinely care about other people. I just don't have the greatest way of expressing myself. I have other ways - ways I've been working on for years - of showing my concern for other people. I smile, make eye contact, maybe stalk a bit on Facebook (*ahem*), express my thoughts to those I spend the most time with (Hubby and my mom, mostly), and - should opportunity arise - I talk to them specifically.
Society would like you to believe you should be extroverted, that there's something wrong with you if you're not comfortable with talking about nothing in particular every time the opportunity arises. As I grew up, I believed this too. I accepted the label of "shy girl" and just went on with life. I held many appointed leadership positions, lead group projects, had stimulating conversations, frequently spoke up in class, enjoyed my share of invigorating debates, and joined a couple clubs I quite enjoyed. Sure, I could have done more. My social anxiety kept me from doing a few things I wished I could have enjoyed longer, but I did finally get there and I had a good time, too.
I'd like to direct you to an article I found by the Huffington Post: 16 Outrageously Successful Introverts. Click on over and see if you recognize any of those people. I'd be willing to bet you do. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert - it's just different. As written by the wise Dr. Suess, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" As the article states, "one third to one half of the population, are introverts." I guess we're not so different after all.
Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. ((While I would personally include the "shy" part for myself, I do agree that this is different for each person. Heck, an extrovert can be shy too, but be affected differently!)) Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge." ((This is so true for me. I never just go to the mall for the "fun" of it or search out party/dance invitations. Environments full of people - even those I know - tend to be very stressful for me. While I consider myself to have decent social skills, I just feel totally out of place in those situations. My only solace is finding or bringing a good friend who is willing to stick with me through the place or event - including large grocery stores and certain activities. Hubby has learned not to leave me alone in unfamiliar places because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me.))
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. ((This is something I love about my relationship with Hubby. While we are often in the same room, we are comfortable with doing our own little activities. We enjoy spending time together, but we are also content with silence, which can be very refreshing for someone like myself.))
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. ((Put simply, I despise small talk. I feel like it is a waste of time, and conversations typically end in an awkward "Well, bye...."))
I feel this definition more thoroughly and adequately describes how I would consider myself, as an introvert. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I do believe it can "hurt" you socially. Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends. I tended to be friendly with those with whom I had things in common - my advanced class classmates, fellow choir members, ward members, etc. However, when all was said and done, I was perfectly happy just going straight from class to class, then right home. I didn't require time out with friends - seeing them at school or wherever else was enough to fill my social quota for the day.
This isn't to say I didn't have friends I considered close and enjoyed being around - I just didn't need to be in contact for longer than we naturally were. Class, lunch, and the occasional hang out were enough. Now, as I said previously, I despise small talk. I have always despised small talk. In fact, I used to become anxious whenever I needed to use a phone because I was all about the "meat" of the conversation while many other people enjoy basking in the "fluff." I don't enjoy fluff. just get down to business. Please tell me what you called to say right away. If we had a freak storm recently, please feel free to bring up the weather. If either of us were recently ill, go right on and talk about that. Politics? Eh, that's not really my thing in any situation. In any case, when the meat is gone, the conversation is over. No fluff for me, thanks.
The largest downside I've experienced with being introverted is that people tend to assume I'm "snobby" or find me unapproachable. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, or above conversation, I just prefer to actually have something to talk about when I find myself in a conversation with someone. I can't count how many times a simple "Hey, how are you?" has quickly descended into awkwardness (a word which might as well be my middle name when it comes to social interactions.) I do genuinely care about other people. I just don't have the greatest way of expressing myself. I have other ways - ways I've been working on for years - of showing my concern for other people. I smile, make eye contact, maybe stalk a bit on Facebook (*ahem*), express my thoughts to those I spend the most time with (Hubby and my mom, mostly), and - should opportunity arise - I talk to them specifically.
Society would like you to believe you should be extroverted, that there's something wrong with you if you're not comfortable with talking about nothing in particular every time the opportunity arises. As I grew up, I believed this too. I accepted the label of "shy girl" and just went on with life. I held many appointed leadership positions, lead group projects, had stimulating conversations, frequently spoke up in class, enjoyed my share of invigorating debates, and joined a couple clubs I quite enjoyed. Sure, I could have done more. My social anxiety kept me from doing a few things I wished I could have enjoyed longer, but I did finally get there and I had a good time, too.
I'd like to direct you to an article I found by the Huffington Post: 16 Outrageously Successful Introverts. Click on over and see if you recognize any of those people. I'd be willing to bet you do. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert - it's just different. As written by the wise Dr. Suess, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" As the article states, "one third to one half of the population, are introverts." I guess we're not so different after all.
I wrote this paper three nearly years ago, and it's been sitting on my computer ever since. As I obviously was loathe to delete it, I thought I would share it with you all. I'll even throw in the "Works Cited" page, for those of you who'd like to ooh and ahh over it:
What
Great Things the Lord Hath Done for the House of Israel
When
I first began thinking about what I would write for this paper, all I
could come up with was what I didn't want to write about. From what
I can tell, there’s nothing more irritating than having to read
around several hundred essays which are all centered on the same
generic topics. Accordingly, my paper has two main directives.
Directive one: choose an interesting and (hopefully) unique topic
which won’t bore poor Brother Butterfield. Directive two: gain a
greater understanding of said topic through thorough research and
personal pondering. The topic I've chosen is the “great things
the Lord hath done for [the house of Israel],” as stated in the
title page of the Book of Mormon. These “things” can be found all
over – in both recent history and the ancient beginnings of our
church, the scriptures, and even in our very own lives.
Our
Heavenly Father is omniscient, which means He “knoweth all things,
for all things are present before [Him]” (D&C 38:2). He has
worked nonstop to make sure His purposes are fulfilled. For example,
we have what we need in the Book of Mormon because He knew Joseph
Smith would allow Martin Harris to take the 116 pages which are now
lost forever. From the beginning, that was a part of His plan. The
Lord would not allow us to suffer simply because Joseph Smith and
Martin Harris needed to learn a lesson. The work still needed to move
along. It’s mind-boggling to even attempt to understand all the
buffers the Lord has blessed us with. As members of Christ’s
restored church on the earth, I submit we often take our many
blessings for granted. In reality, nothing about this church is, has
been, or ever will be easy. Take the atonement, the key to eternal
salvation, for example. Was it easy for Christ to lead a completely
sinless life? Was his suffering in Gethsemane a pleasant experience?
No and no. Even Christ, the greatest man who ever walked the earth,
was tempted. When our Lord and Savior was at one of his physically
weakest points, having undergone a lengthy fast necessary in his
preparations for his ministry, the devil came to him, tempting him to
use his divine powers to attain food. He went through trials and
overcame each one for us. The very fact that Christ condescended to
come to earth and suffer in the way He did, is an excellent example
of the great things the Lord has done for us, the House of Israel.
Similarly, Joseph Smith Jr. and his brother Hyrum were martyred for
the cause of the restoration. Living as Latter-Day Saints has not
gotten any easier necessarily, but we tend not to realize the gravity
of the sacrifices other people have had to endure for the Gospel.
The
Lord’s blessings have not only been for us in the last several
hundred years. He has been doing great things for the people on this
earth even since before we knew we would be coming down here. He
first allowed us our agency to choose to whether or not to come down
to earth, to accept the trials we knew we would have to face, then
sent us off to use our agency here… but He has never left us
completely alone. Even those who were on the earth when the
priesthood had been taken away have the ability to reap the blessings
of the atonement. He has provided a way for us to do the work for
them here, at which point they still
have the agency to accept or deny the truth. In addition, the Lord
has done many other marvelous things for His people. There was
nothing ordinary about Moses splitting the Red Sea so the Israelites
could cross to safety on dry ground, nor can anyone deny the hand of
the Lord in the story of Sherem in Jacob, chapter 7, where he was
preaching “among the people, and [declaring] unto them that there
should be no Christ,” demanded a sign from Jacob, and was dead not
long after confessing he’d been wrong the whole time. The Lord will
do what is necessary for His people, even if it involves sacrificing
one or a few of His children so the testimonies of others can grow.
Another
great example of how the Lord has gone to great lengths for the House
of Israel is part of the story of original household
of Israel. What were the chances that Joseph, who was sold into
captivity by his brothers and ended up in prison after Potiphar’s
sly wife wrongfully accused him of attempting to seduce her, would
essentially become an economic adviser to the Pharaoh? Then, on top
of all of that, what were the chances that his brothers would end up
coming to him in humility, actually sorry for what they’d done?
When you think of the improbability of each of these things happening
to one person, it’s easy to believe the Lord has done many great
things for the House of Israel and continues to do so.
In
2 Nephi 28:27 it says “Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have
received, and we need no more!” This verse is in reference to
continuing revelation, which is another way the Lord has done great
things for His people, but I believe it also makes a strong case for
the Lord’s continual blessings for us. He, better than all people,
knows the trials we are going through and desires to help us, should
we allow Him to. The great things the Lord does for us don’t have
to be earth-shattering miracles. They could be as simple as providing
an opportunity for your testimony to grow. As a member of the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have the unique opportunity
to hold a compilation of the experiences and revelations of many
inspired prophets in the palm of my hand: the Book of Mormon. All
throughout the scriptures we see examples of how the House of Israel
is being led away from the ways they know to be right by the devil’s
cunning traps. Too often are we lulled into a false sense of security
and allow Satan to influence our lives. One tactic he uses is doubt.
This concept is evident in the title page of the Book of Mormon, when
Moroni writes “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes
of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be
found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.” I remember the
first time I found a typo in my copy of the Book of Mormon – I was
shocked. How could the most correct book in all of human history have
a typo? My young testimony was bruised as doubt began to seep into my
soul. Then one day I came upon this scripture and this reality hit me
in the face: the Book of Mormon is a true book written by imperfect
humans for imperfect humans. The Gospel will still be true, even and
especially if my copy of the truth carries a typo, I don’t quite
understand, or if I don’t like the way something was said. What
matters is that the Book of Mormon came from the Lord, who cares
about us and knows what we need to hear. In that experience, I was
given the opportunity to learn and grow because the Lord had seen fit
to inspire those words from Moroni to the world.
The
Lord continues to bless the House of Israel. Examples of His
blessings can be found in every aspect of our lives and histories
because everything about this earth was built to facilitate
successful earthly experiences. He loves us and He has already given
everything: His divine guidance, a living prophet, valiant prophets
of the past, and even an atoning sacrifice which we could not have
done by ourselves. It’s up to us now to realize our many blessings
and seize the great opportunities of life and the Gospel which the
Lord has labored to offer us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Works
Cited
"2 Nephi
Chapter 28." The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/28.27?lang=eng#26>.
"Doctrine and
Covenants Section 38." The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28
Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/38.2?lang=eng#1>.
Hunter, Howard W.
"The Temptations of Christ - Ensign Nov. 1976." The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/ensign/1976/11/the-temptations-of-christ?lang=eng>.
"Jacob Chapter
7." The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/7?lang=eng>.
Matthew.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/4.4?lang=eng#3>.
Maxwell, Neal A. All
These Things Shall Give Thee Experience. Salt
Lake City, UT: Deseret Book, 1979. Print. * I would have cited the
specific section you gave us, but I'm not sure exactly where it is in
the book.
Moroni. "The
Book of Mormon: An Account Written by the Hand of Mormon upon Plates
Taken from the Plates of Nephi." The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Trans. Joseph Smith Jr. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/bofm-title?lang=eng&query=book
mormon title page>.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
0
comments
{{Link}} "Walter Joshua Fretz" The boy touching hearts everywhere.
I recently came across an article giving an example of how developed babies are very early on, even while pro-abortionists claim they are only a "clump of cells." Interested, I did some digging to find the original source.
"Walter Joshua Fretz – The story of our son who is impacting so many even though he was on this earth for only a few minutes"
The baby in the article is only about 17 weeks old (assuming they conceived the average of two weeks into the mother's cycle.) That's not even half as old as a "full-term" baby, and he certainly doesn't look like a "clump of cells." Even at that age, he looks like a tiny human.
I was touched by this mother's story, and I feel for her. There's nothing like going into labor knowing your child will die - and to have this happen unexpectedly, in an unfamiliar place, with staff (at the beginning) who were nothing short of apathetic? I would be terrified.
On one note, I must applaud this mother: If I had been relegated to the emergency room and started to feel like I was going into labor at only 19 weeks along, I might not have been so patient. I probably would have insisted I be seen, rather than waiting until it was far too late to possibly salvage the pregnancy. Additionally, she seems to hold no grudge against them, even now. Of course, it would not help her to hold a grudge - it would not change the outcome one bit. She has chosen to focus on the positive - her perfect child included - instead of the negative. Good for her!
I also feel for the OB staff. I do not envy their position, as I know the staff where we had our baby were very deeply impacted by her delivery - and they were prepared for her birth! I mean, I'm sure they're not totally unaccustomed to loss, but I'm also sure they prefer to deliver healthy, living babies. I know our situation made my OB very solemn about the whole thing. This woman's situation is not entirely uncommon, but it is certainly something which people attempt to avoid.
In any case, I hope you read her article, and spend some time in awe over her sweet little boy. He is as beautiful as his story, and I pray he is allowed to continue inspiring hope through his short stay here on earth.
"Walter Joshua Fretz – The story of our son who is impacting so many even though he was on this earth for only a few minutes"
The baby in the article is only about 17 weeks old (assuming they conceived the average of two weeks into the mother's cycle.) That's not even half as old as a "full-term" baby, and he certainly doesn't look like a "clump of cells." Even at that age, he looks like a tiny human.
I was touched by this mother's story, and I feel for her. There's nothing like going into labor knowing your child will die - and to have this happen unexpectedly, in an unfamiliar place, with staff (at the beginning) who were nothing short of apathetic? I would be terrified.
On one note, I must applaud this mother: If I had been relegated to the emergency room and started to feel like I was going into labor at only 19 weeks along, I might not have been so patient. I probably would have insisted I be seen, rather than waiting until it was far too late to possibly salvage the pregnancy. Additionally, she seems to hold no grudge against them, even now. Of course, it would not help her to hold a grudge - it would not change the outcome one bit. She has chosen to focus on the positive - her perfect child included - instead of the negative. Good for her!
I also feel for the OB staff. I do not envy their position, as I know the staff where we had our baby were very deeply impacted by her delivery - and they were prepared for her birth! I mean, I'm sure they're not totally unaccustomed to loss, but I'm also sure they prefer to deliver healthy, living babies. I know our situation made my OB very solemn about the whole thing. This woman's situation is not entirely uncommon, but it is certainly something which people attempt to avoid.
In any case, I hope you read her article, and spend some time in awe over her sweet little boy. He is as beautiful as his story, and I pray he is allowed to continue inspiring hope through his short stay here on earth.
I always tend to think that Charles and I don't have much. Frankly we don't, compared to many U.S. families. Compared to families in, say, Nigeria, we have quite a lot. Either way, I am very grateful for what we do have. We do have a room to ourselves in a house with running water, electricity, and family just a shout away. We do have a nice - albeit secondhand - bed. We do have three adorable, cuddly cats and a loyal dog. We do have enough money to suit our immediate needs and set a tiny bit aside for baby essentials. We do have a loving relationship and budding fondness for our little one in the making. We do have so much, comparatively.
Just this morning, I had the opportunity to see my obstetrician and check on our baby's development. Everything looked just as it should - skull, spine, and all! What an immense blessing to have the equipment and medical professionals necessary to monitor fetal development, especially after what has happened before.
No, living in an upstairs bedroom of my mother's house isn't an ideal situation, especially with a baby on the way. But we're so very blessed to have family willing to help us out when we needed a place to move, and it's solely our space. How many people don't even have that much?
No, we aren't rolling in money, but we certainly have what we need at this particular moment. We have food, water, air conditioning, a roof over our heads, and we're not falling into more and more debt. Sure, we have debts to pay, but most of them were incurred by my darling husband before we got married. The other notable debts are our car, which is a perfectly reasonable debt, and a credit card which got us through the difficulties of living on one minimum-wage salary when we were first married.
I've just been looking around our room. I enjoy my time in here, and actually feel quite comfortable. Even with the basics, we make it work. Frankly, that's something I've been saying a lot lately: I'm just trying to make do with what we have. It's easy to think we don't have much, but we really are rolling in the blessings.
Just this morning, I had the opportunity to see my obstetrician and check on our baby's development. Everything looked just as it should - skull, spine, and all! What an immense blessing to have the equipment and medical professionals necessary to monitor fetal development, especially after what has happened before.
No, living in an upstairs bedroom of my mother's house isn't an ideal situation, especially with a baby on the way. But we're so very blessed to have family willing to help us out when we needed a place to move, and it's solely our space. How many people don't even have that much?
No, we aren't rolling in money, but we certainly have what we need at this particular moment. We have food, water, air conditioning, a roof over our heads, and we're not falling into more and more debt. Sure, we have debts to pay, but most of them were incurred by my darling husband before we got married. The other notable debts are our car, which is a perfectly reasonable debt, and a credit card which got us through the difficulties of living on one minimum-wage salary when we were first married.
I've just been looking around our room. I enjoy my time in here, and actually feel quite comfortable. Even with the basics, we make it work. Frankly, that's something I've been saying a lot lately: I'm just trying to make do with what we have. It's easy to think we don't have much, but we really are rolling in the blessings.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
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comments
{{Link}} "16 (+15) Ways I Blew My Marriage" + "Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had"
A few weeks ago, I happened upon this link (I think he uses an occasional swear word): "16 Ways I Blew My Marriage" I had read this article before, but Charles hadn't. Since we were taking some special time together, I thought it might be nice to take turns reading each of the reasons. We cuddled-up together and started reading.
Each suggestion made a lot of sense. Honestly, I felt pretty good about myself each time we read a reason which we were already implementing in our marriage. There are plenty of stories of couples who just "grew apart" or "fell out of love," and that's not something Charles and I want for our marriage. Frankly, I don't think anyone who sincerely loves their spouse wants their marriage to end - even those in relationships which are having troubles.
Even in happy marriages, his suggestions make a lot of sense. A few days after reading the article, Charles showed up after work in nice, clean clothes, freshly-shaved, and smelling quite nice. That was his way of utilizing the "Don't Stop Trying to Be Attractive" suggestion. While I love my tired, jeans-and-t-shirt, working man any day, it's nice when he makes an extra effort to be attractive just for me.
At the end of the initial 16 suggestions, it turned out he had written another 15. "The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage" This time, neither of us had read the article and, since we enjoyed the first one, we dove right in! A few days later, a friend shared this link on Facebook: "Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had" Though his list was much shorter, his suggestions made tons of sense too.
Since then, all these words of advice have been rattling around in my head. Ten years from now, I don't want to be the couple that just "lost it." I want to continually be working on our marriage, and keeping it strong - as it should be. I'm very seriously considering writing these different "ways" down somewhere where I can see them, or at least one or two I want to work on at the time. It's so easy to just fall into a rut and let your relationship sink by the wayside. I would rather take the time to maintain our relationship then have to piece together a relationship which has been needing some TLC for quite a while.
Either way, I would definitely suggest anyone who is serious about any romantic relationship read these three articles and find ways to implement them. Even if all you do is work on one thing at a time.
Each suggestion made a lot of sense. Honestly, I felt pretty good about myself each time we read a reason which we were already implementing in our marriage. There are plenty of stories of couples who just "grew apart" or "fell out of love," and that's not something Charles and I want for our marriage. Frankly, I don't think anyone who sincerely loves their spouse wants their marriage to end - even those in relationships which are having troubles.
Even in happy marriages, his suggestions make a lot of sense. A few days after reading the article, Charles showed up after work in nice, clean clothes, freshly-shaved, and smelling quite nice. That was his way of utilizing the "Don't Stop Trying to Be Attractive" suggestion. While I love my tired, jeans-and-t-shirt, working man any day, it's nice when he makes an extra effort to be attractive just for me.
At the end of the initial 16 suggestions, it turned out he had written another 15. "The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage" This time, neither of us had read the article and, since we enjoyed the first one, we dove right in! A few days later, a friend shared this link on Facebook: "Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had" Though his list was much shorter, his suggestions made tons of sense too.
Since then, all these words of advice have been rattling around in my head. Ten years from now, I don't want to be the couple that just "lost it." I want to continually be working on our marriage, and keeping it strong - as it should be. I'm very seriously considering writing these different "ways" down somewhere where I can see them, or at least one or two I want to work on at the time. It's so easy to just fall into a rut and let your relationship sink by the wayside. I would rather take the time to maintain our relationship then have to piece together a relationship which has been needing some TLC for quite a while.
Either way, I would definitely suggest anyone who is serious about any romantic relationship read these three articles and find ways to implement them. Even if all you do is work on one thing at a time.
A friend on Facebook posted THIS LINK on her wall, and I love it! Some of my favorite lines:
Really, this article is great, so I would highly suggest you read it for yourself! He has a lot of great wisdom to share, and I only hope Charles and I can convey a similar message to our boys when we catch "the look."
"It's a woman's responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing - or not wearing. But don't. Don't play the victim." (Italics added.)
"Humans objectify the things they love in an effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object."
"Let's be clear: a woman's body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things."
"Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex." (Italics added.)
Really, this article is great, so I would highly suggest you read it for yourself! He has a lot of great wisdom to share, and I only hope Charles and I can convey a similar message to our boys when we catch "the look."
I have a problem. I've never been great at waiting. As a junior in high school, I had a lot of great senior friends. As a result, I caught their "senior-itis." Chronically. I was just so ready to be moving on with my life, and watching all of them take those steps made me yearn to do the same. As a senior, my family announced their plans to move to Missouri within the year. A part of me was devastated. Another part of me - the obsessive, planning part - wanted to leave immediately. If I was going to have to leave everything I'd built up during three years, I didn't want to postpone having to get used to my new situation. So, I said my goodbyes and moved in with my grandparents a month or two ahead of my family.
After that, I couldn't finish high school fast enough. Then came college. I applied to three schools. By the time I'd gotten acceptance letters from the first two schools, University of Utah and Brigham Young University - Idaho, I was going crazy. I wanted to see if I'd gotten accepted by the third school, Brigham Young University, but a large part of me said Idaho was the place to be. I accepted their offer, including a half-tuition scholarship for the first two semesters, about a month before my BYU acceptance letter came, and never looked back.
I loved everything about college. I loved the classes, the activities, living in Idaho, and being much closer to family I hadn't seen in years. I also loved always having something to do. BYU-Idaho's semesters are a little different than "regular" semesters, so I had a significant amount of time between one semester and the next, which drove me nuts.
Just before my second - and currently last - semester, I had joined a couple of dating websites (because, frankly, I had no men lining up at my door.) At the beginning of my summer break, I met a guy in Vegas. We spent some time together while I was there for a choir reunion, then I went back to Missouri to await starting my next semester.
We technically had a long-distance relationship, and I had a strong feeling that I was supposed to be married within the year, but I was miserable. I felt I couldn't possibly be meant to be married to someone like that, so I started looking for other options... and what I found was so worth the wait. (Story can be found HERE, on our daughter's blog.)
I found true love, and once someone like myself finds a love like that, you don't want to wait to start your married life. Thankfully, neither did my intended-spouse. Two months and two days later, we tied the knot. Truly, I would have been happy with doing it immediately, but that's not how things worked out. It's been nearly two years now, and I have never regretted our decision.
We wanted children immediately, and, after about three months, we got the answer we wanted. Of course, things didn't quite work out how we'd expected, and awful periods of waiting ensued. Then there was the waiting after giving birth, and the waiting while trying to conceive (read: INSANITY.) Now there's the waiting to see our baby at each appointment, and the waiting for our little blessing to finally be here.
As you can tell, I have a major problem. I despise waiting, but it seems to be a favorite of life's teaching tools. You know, while writing this post, it occurs to me that maybe life is teaching me to enjoy the wait. Though my life can be summarized into many different periods of waiting, I have had many small moments which make the wait worth it. Waiting to finish high school gave me the opportunity to make some great friends, and enjoy a pretty great choir career. Waiting to marry Charles just made me want to marry him more, and appreciate how happy he makes me when we're together. Waiting to give birth to Sophia gave me the time to get to know her in the womb, which was especially important because I knew I wouldn't have much - if any - time to get to know her outside of the womb. Waiting with this little one is giving Charles and I the opportunity to enjoy our last months of real alone time.
Waiting doesn't have to be so bad, and really, life hasn't thrown me any period of waiting which didn't teach me something I needed or wasn't appreciative of afterward. I'll be thirteen weeks along tomorrow, and - while they haven't been particularly pleasant - I am grateful to have had them. The next twenty-seven will undoubtedly fly by, and when I get the chance to look back a couple years from now, it really won't seem like that waiting was very long or hard at all.
There are a couple different ways to approach each situation. There is the positive approach: which can range from unrealistic, blind optimism to choosing to smile and keep calm when something comes up; OR you could choose the negative approach: which can range from constantly assuming the worst possible situation is reality, to allowing all attached emotions to become numb.
I have taken both sides in my lifetime. While the negative approach is easier in the short-term, the positive approach is better emotionally for the long-term, and vise-versa. When we were first told about our daughter's condition over a year ago, our initial reaction was to break down. It felt like our world was crumbling around us. We went from expecting what we thought was a healthy little girl - shopping for used baby furniture, getting excited over every ultrasound and every week which passed - to packing up what little supplies we did have, crying until it literally hurt, and nursing a gaping hole in my perfect little picture of our future family.
At that point, we had to make a choice - a choice which had already been laid out in front of us by many different medical professionals: abort and begin recovery, or continue the pregnancy without knowing what we were up against. As you know, we chose the latter. This came with a whole other decision to make: how were we going to approach life going forward.
At first, Charles didn't even like talking about the pregnancy. He didn't treat me poorly - in fact, he was just as sweet and gallant as ever, if not more, but I felt dirty... like the little blessing inside of me was something to be ashamed of. But, really, that was just his personal way of coping with the situation. After a couple heart-felt conversations, he agreed to make an effort to be excited about our little blessing.
What really helped was when Sophia started kicking hard enough for Charles for feel her. It made her more real for both of us, and helped us to maintain our positive outlook. I have had many people ask how we managed to maintain our faith during our trial with her. It was not easy. Few people were privy to my breakdowns, my overwhelming need to be held and comforted, and the couple times Charles and I felt so separate in the ways we were dealing with the prolonged loss of our daughter. We could not carry the load between the two of us - we absolutely needed our God's strength to buoy us up, and we knew it. Rejecting Him was not an option.
Fast forward to a few months ago.
Trying to conceive was making me lose my mind. I lived my life in weeks, anticipated symptoms, and a sea of negatives - including my attitude. Friends were getting pregnant, and several of them even lost pregnancies. I started to sink into a spiral of negative thoughts:
What if I never get pregnant again?
What if I do, but we just end up going through the same thing over and over again?
Will I lose a pregnancy too?
What will Charles and I do if we never have children?
I started to feel useless and defective, like all I was capable of was making babies with no skull caps... and that's not a great skill if you want to expand your family. These thoughts, coupled with immense frustration over our living and employment situations, led to a couple of realizations.
1) We needed to move. Yesterday.
2) It's practically impossible to "just don't think about trying to conceive."
3) Reading scriptures and praying daily are very important, and essential to keeping a positive outlook.
4) Having a plan for your day and/or some way to pass the time is valuable, especially when you're losing your mind in the monotony of trying to add to your family.
So, we moved. Quickly. I had already picked up on reading my scriptures more often, and focusing on the move and everything we needed to do before it could happen helped keep my mind off of baby-making. The fact that I hadn't been feeling well didn't help, but I did my best to push it to the back of my mind. I couldn't stand another negative test - not when we were working so hard to not only make positive changes in our lives but also to maintain a positive outlook for our future.
Then my period was late, and I was throwing up for seemingly no reason. I still refused to test. It wouldn't be the first time I'd had "pregnancy symptoms," only to be let down when it came time to test. Then things started to settle down, and my symptoms didn't fade, so I tested.
It was positive.
I celebrated with the fries and gravy I had been craving for days.
But then the negativity started to loom again.
Will this baby die too?
Will I even make it past the first trimester?
Can we support a baby?
Am I even capable of being a good mother?
It was positive.
I celebrated with the fries and gravy I had been craving for days.
But then the negativity started to loom again.
Will this baby die too?
Will I even make it past the first trimester?
Can we support a baby?
Am I even capable of being a good mother?
So, once again, I came to a crossroads. I had to decide whether to embrace the negativity or accept the fact that the odds were in our favor for having a healthy baby - that, whatever happened, we could handle it with the help of the Lord.
I'm choosing to be positive. I'm choosing to believe this baby will survive and that Charles and I will be wonderful parents. I'm choosing to throw myself into my calling as a primary teacher, and give those kids everything they deserve - not an under-prepared, disinterested teacher who can't wait to get onto their own life. I'm choosing to keep busy during the week by maintaining a pleasant living environment wherever we are, and doing things I enjoy like writing, reading scriptures, napping, keeping hydrated (it's not as easy as you think), spending time with family, etc. I even have a very part time job helping my mother out when she has to be out of work for an extended period of time.
It's still not easy. Life isn't easy. Whatever you're up against - and everyone is always against some kind of trial - you have a choice. You can choose to accept the negative thoughts which will undoubtedly bombard you, or you can choose to be positive. Being positive doesn't mean you think you can handle everything on your own. It doesn't mean you blindly believe the best is going to happen either, or that you won't have rough days. It means you will exercise your faith, trust that the Lord knows and loves you and will be there for you, no matter how difficult things get.
Recently, a family in our ward lost a daughter too. She had been on this earth much longer than our Sophia, and I'm sure it was quite the shock. Then came the Decision, and they chose to be positive. They have not wallowed in their loss. That doesn't mean it has been easy. That doesn't mean they haven't broken down crying every once in a while. That doesn't mean they haven't needed the Lord as their constant companion.
Every trial comes with a choice. Choose to be positive. Choose to lean on the Lord - He is really, truly only a prayer away. He will send His angels, even if they're in the form of a caring friend or a spontaneous plate of cookies from your neighbor. It doesn't mean you have to pretend to be deliriously happy, or pretend your problems don't exist. Being positive may not be easy or even the most popular way to deal with trials, but you will never regret it.
We still don't know whether we will get to be full-time parents once our little one's due date rolls around, but we're choosing to have faith. In the meantime, I'm gulping down water like it's my job (because, well, it is), keeping well-nourished, spending time with my little one's daddy (he's a total hottie), and finding constructive ways to pass the time - like obsessing over cloth diapering - so I don't go crazy for the zillionth time. It sure beats worrying my brains out over what could happen.
(P.S. I just wanted to note that I'm not suggesting you strive to be blindly optimistic. There is no reason not to search out your options in each situation, set some money aside for the rainy days, and allow yourself a good cry every once in a while. However, when things do get rough - and they most certainly will - you should do everything in your power to maintain your faith in God, continue doing things which make you genuinely happy, and look forward to the future with hope.)
It's still not easy. Life isn't easy. Whatever you're up against - and everyone is always against some kind of trial - you have a choice. You can choose to accept the negative thoughts which will undoubtedly bombard you, or you can choose to be positive. Being positive doesn't mean you think you can handle everything on your own. It doesn't mean you blindly believe the best is going to happen either, or that you won't have rough days. It means you will exercise your faith, trust that the Lord knows and loves you and will be there for you, no matter how difficult things get.
Recently, a family in our ward lost a daughter too. She had been on this earth much longer than our Sophia, and I'm sure it was quite the shock. Then came the Decision, and they chose to be positive. They have not wallowed in their loss. That doesn't mean it has been easy. That doesn't mean they haven't broken down crying every once in a while. That doesn't mean they haven't needed the Lord as their constant companion.
Every trial comes with a choice. Choose to be positive. Choose to lean on the Lord - He is really, truly only a prayer away. He will send His angels, even if they're in the form of a caring friend or a spontaneous plate of cookies from your neighbor. It doesn't mean you have to pretend to be deliriously happy, or pretend your problems don't exist. Being positive may not be easy or even the most popular way to deal with trials, but you will never regret it.
We still don't know whether we will get to be full-time parents once our little one's due date rolls around, but we're choosing to have faith. In the meantime, I'm gulping down water like it's my job (because, well, it is), keeping well-nourished, spending time with my little one's daddy (he's a total hottie), and finding constructive ways to pass the time - like obsessing over cloth diapering - so I don't go crazy for the zillionth time. It sure beats worrying my brains out over what could happen.
(P.S. I just wanted to note that I'm not suggesting you strive to be blindly optimistic. There is no reason not to search out your options in each situation, set some money aside for the rainy days, and allow yourself a good cry every once in a while. However, when things do get rough - and they most certainly will - you should do everything in your power to maintain your faith in God, continue doing things which make you genuinely happy, and look forward to the future with hope.)
Have any of you seen "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? Well, though I do not recommend the movie due to a plethora of language, it does a great job of representing pregnancy from several different points of view. I would love to say my experiences have been akin to the step-mother's, but that would be a dirty lie. It has been more like the daughter. Now, let's completely ignore my first pregnancy for a moment, because that was a freaky never-going-to-happen-again situation.
I hope.
This pregnancy can pretty much be summed up in how I feel right now: banana burps, noxious toots, and snot clogging my nostrils before running down my throat. Gag. Headaches are pretty normal now, as is smelling like a sweaty beast when it's perfectly cool, and waking up in the middle of the night to remove every piece of clothing anywhere near touching my stomach to attempt to avoid vomiting.
So. Fun. Pregnancy is supposed to be this amazing, wonderful thing - and it is, generally, I mean, you're making a person for crying out loud - but no one generally tells you how awful it can also be. When people think of pregnancy, they think of morning sickness, but not the excessive sweating, the bloating which makes you feel like a walrus, the increased blood volume (which is a problem in itself), the hormones which make you want to both scream and cuddle those you love, and the constant worrying that something might be wrong. Even if you haven't had a baby before, the first trimester is fraught with worrying whether your baby is going to make it; whether your baby will be healthy; whether you'll be able to handle childbirth. Add losing your first to a neural tube defect - or really anything which is completely out of your control - and pregnancy is no cake walk.
But it gets better. Feeling those kicks, even when you're sitting up against a table and that perfect little foot pushes you back, surprised, is awesome. That's one thing I knew I would miss about Sophia. There's something very intimate about holding a little human being inside yourself; about knowing you are what is keeping them alive; about feeling both certain and totally uncertain that you can even do this.
I'm looking forward to the good things, and making it through the bad. I accept that anything worth having may be difficult to attain, and I'm willing to work for our little one. Whatever it takes.
Before I begin this post, I'd like to note that some topics may be a little uncomfortable or too much information for certain individuals. Please continue at your own risk, and don't come after me with pitchforks.
Ever since I was a young girl, I've been poked and prodded by doctors attempting to put a name to the condition I find myself in now, and every time my labs would come back essentially normal and the doctors would write me off as a fat kid, tell me to eat healthily and exercise more, and send me on my way.
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| This was at my mother's wedding, before I began taking medication for depression and to regulate my periods.I know, I look thrilled. 2007 I think? |
When I was about twelve, I started to get visits from someone people call "Aunt Flow." As is typical when you've never experienced something before, I just took what I'd been given as a natural part of life and moved on. It was also that year that I fell into a deep depression, often considering suicide, but knowing it was wrong and miserably trudging on. I went without treatment, and to this day often tell the story of standing in a lunch line when a boy with which I didn't typically get along asked if I had been "hit in the face with a football" because the circles under my eyes were so dark.
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| Another oldie with (mostly) our dogs. We were babysitting the retriever and the papillion. That little white mop was my favorite dog ever - I miss her. |
A couple years later, I saw a new doctor and was informed my periods were considered "irregular," at which point I began taking both birth control to regulate my periods, and an anti-depressant, because I guess it was clear I was in need of some kind of psychological intervention as well. My periods became regular, and I noticed an improvement of my moods while on the anti-depressant. For a while, everything was fine. Eventually, though, the prescriptions ran out of refills, and, because I didn't "feel" like I needed the medicine anymore (and I dislike taking medicine in the first place), we didn't make an effort to obtain more.
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| March 2011 in front of my mother's house. About 240 pounds. |
Fast forward to college, where I found myself speaking to a guidance counselor about my classes. Inexplicably, I began to sob. I was utterly confused, because she had treated me with nothing but kindness, was answering my questions satisfactorily, and I didn't feel particularly stressed about anything. She suggested I take advantage of the free counseling offered to students on campus, noting she had also used their facilities and found them to be quite helpful. After battling with my pride, I did just that.
It's difficult to admit you need help - that something might be wrong with you which you cannot control. However, I went into my appointment hopeful I would find answers and a person there willing to give me the help I needed. While I was not particularly fond of my psychologist (he wanted me to lead our conversations, and that's not really how I work), he did refer me to the campus physicians to obtain medication for depression.
My doctor was quite nice. He was one of those physicians whom you wait quite a while for in the waiting room, but it's always worth it because when he meets with you he gives you all the time you need and makes you feel like a person, not something to check off of his schedule. He was kind enough to work with me on getting the correct dosage of medication (and I believe he might have also put me on birth control again to regulate my periods - I can't quite recall), and I enjoyed seeing him whenever my check-ups came due. It is he who pointed out that depression is not a sign of weakness: it's a trial like anything else. Some people struggle with outward ailments, while my pain was internal. He was the one who gave me the hope and strength I had been searching for.
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| September 2012 - A couple days before giving birth to Sophia Grace. About 250 pounds. |
Now, a couple years later, I still struggle with depression and irregular periods, but I have a new diagnosis: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. As many of you know, Charles and I have been attempting to conceive our second child for about five months now. As it took us only three months to conceive Sophia, and my periods had been essentially regular since after our marriage, and even the three months we had to abstain for medical reasons, I was surprised to find myself without a period for the last three months.
Understandably, I became frustrated. After waiting a couple of months to see if I would have a period on my own, I broke down and scheduled an appointment with a nurse practitioner at the hospital we hope to have our next child in. Of course, the day we went in, I began to spot (ie: a little blood - not considered a period.) As usual, she did blood tests - which of course came back normal - and wanted me to come back if I hadn't had a cycle in two more weeks.
Two weeks came and went, but Aunt Flow was no where to be seen. Even my spotting was limited to that one day. When it came time to return, I excitedly did so, hoping to be able to move on in our quest to conceive. I was met with a diagnosis of probable PCOS, of which the symptoms are:
- Few or no menstrual periods, or anovulation (which means you might have a period, but no egg was dropped, which is crucial in conceiving.)
- Heavy, irregular vaginal bleeding.
- Hair loss from the scalp, and hair growth on the face, chest, back, stomach, thumbs, or toes (caused by high levels of male hormones aka androgens.)
- Acne and oily skin (also a result of androgens.)
- Depression or mood swings.
- Weight gain or upper body obesity (androgens.)
- Repeat miscarriages.
- Inability to become pregnant (because of the anovulation.)
- Symptoms of too much insulin and/or insulin resistance.*
My symptoms are in bold. (Sorry for the gruesome pictures you're undoubtedly having in your mind - I swear I'm not a fat, hairy, man-woman beast. There was this one time though, where an acquaintance was being nice and went to remove a long, blond hair from under my chin... except it was attached. I get those every once in a while. Thankfully most of what I would consider excess hair is blond - a lot of people aren't that lucky. I would also like to point out that some of my weight issues are due to poor diet and exercise - I can't blame it all on a medical condition. More on that in a bit.) While it would be optimal to not have anything wrong with me, it's nice to have a name for what I've been struggling with for many years.
The nurse practitioner prescribed Metformin, a drug used to treat insulin resistance in both diabetics and women with PCOS. *This isn't to say I'm insulin resistant, necessarily, but it's best to treat me as such for the moment. I have been taking the medicine for six days now. More spotting has ensued, which may be a good sign. Charles and I are also to abstain or use contraception for a couple weeks to make sure I haven't recently gotten pregnant, then, if not, I am to take medicine to bring on a period (because not having one for too long can cause cancer and, frankly, you can't have children naturally if your body isn't doing what it takes to conceive them.)
So far I'm feeling alright. I get nauseated at night, but that's a possible side effect of the Metformin. It also recently occurred to me that treating the PCOS could definitely bode well for my depression problems, as it is a symptom of PCOS (which is why I mentioned my depression in the first place, as it is one of the worst things I have struggled and currently continue to struggle with.)
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| 2007-ish... Back when I was dying my hair. |
Another significant symptom of PCOS in my life is the weight gain. As previously mentioned, I have always been at least a little chubby. In middle school (when this all started) my solution was to give my all during P.E. class... and it worked. I lost some weight, but I still didn't feel confident about my body just because the other kids didn't approve of me (yeah - I was not one of the "popular" kids. Big shock, I know.) If I could go back and tell my younger self she was beautiful just the way she was and Susie Q's opinion didn't matter in the slightest, I definitely would. I really could have benefited from even a tenth of the confidence I have now.
In high school, I slowly gained a little more and a little more weight, until I got to a point where I no longer weighed myself because I knew it would only depress me further. I felt stuck and hopeless, and any attempt at reducing the pounds seemed fruitless. The photo to the right is of me with my Desert Harmony (Barbershop) section my last day at school in Las Vegas, Nevada. While I treasure the memory, every time I see this picture I am ashamed of how large I was.
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| November 2009 - Nearly 280 pounds. |
Finally, my family moved to Missouri, where I can't say I was doing more exercising, but somehow I ended up losing around 20-30 pounds. I only know this because my family had started a new diet (we were chronic yo-yo'ers) shortly after I graduated, and we were required to weigh ourselves weekly.
Surprisingly, this diet worked... but my health declined and I was miserable. We had fallen prey to the HCG diet - 1000 calories a day (made up of essentially nothing), and a spray which was supposed to suppress our appetites. I remember being at work one day, and I started balling uncontrollably (it doesn't help that I was not on anti-depressants at the time) because I was so hungry that I couldn't think. We ended up going to get some real food which completely blew the diet but took me out of starvation mode. Many months later, I was still struggling with the after-effects, the worst of which being chronic, painful constipation. (If any of my former roommates are reading this, I'm sorry I clogged the toilet so much... I couldn't help it and I was really, really embarrassed!)
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| April 2011 - I was around 220 pounds here. |
The human body requires, at a minimum, 1200 calories a day. If you're really, really active or a man, that won't be nearly enough. Additionally, "healthy" weight loss is about 1-2 pounds a week, while I was loosing that much each day. People, if a diet is so severe that you're losing that much weight and starving, it's not worth it and it's almost definitely not good for your body! Don't succumb to the temptation.
My second (and final) semester at school, I was a part of the Biggest Winner program, a Biggest Loser spin-off held at my college. I loved it. I ate about 1500 calories a day for the majority of it, then 1200 near the end. I also worked out about five times a week with my team. It was great! I think my team ended up in second place, which we shouldn't have gotten, but that's a story for another time. I felt great, I was looking great, and my depression was pretty well under control as long as I was constant with my exercising and eating habits. I went from about 250 pounds to 215 pounds. None of my pants fit, and I was loving it.
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| September 2012 - Just after giving birth. About 250 pounds. |
Then the semester ended, I abandoned my precious gym and the pressures of being readily accountable for my health. At first, not much happened. I didn't eat everything in sight, but I certainly wasn't as careful as I had been before. Then I met and married Charles, all while having managed to keep the weight off whilst not prohibiting new weight to creep on.
And creep it did. Little by little, I gained here and there. Then I got pregnant, and while I attempted to eat healthily for the baby, that motivation was dashed when I learned she would not survive no matter what I did. Several especially difficult months ensued, and I was again about 250 or so pounds by the time I gave birth. I felt huge, and the awful emptiness of my arms didn't make it any easier.
Three months later, Charles and I were permitted to begin trying for another baby, although I'd been advised that losing a significant amount of weight would be very beneficial. As always, I knew the doctor was right, and was glad to inform him we'd joined a gym and were enjoying our benefits there. Then we moved thirty minutes away from said gym and couldn't afford to attend anymore.
Until about a month ago, I had done very little to improve my health. First, I tried making our meals from scratch so they would be more nutritious and I wouldn't have to worry about hidden causes of weight gain. Of course, that only works if the meals you make are actually healthy. Baked chicken chimichangas, though delicious, are not nutritious when you take into account all the cheese, butter, and sour cream it takes to make them and the fact that it's nearly impossible to have just one.
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| December 2012 |
My next step was adding more fruit into our diet. I was so, so tired of feeling like I was stuck in rice, pasta, and bread recipes. It was great to just eat an apple or a banana every once in a while, and for a couple weeks we filled bowls with fruits we both enjoy and happily munched away, feeling markedly better about ourselves.
However, it shortly became clear that my period was just not going to come completely unassisted, and the diagnosis I received required more action than just eating some fruit every now and then. So, now, what is the next step? The question of the "best" way to eat has long been in question, and not just for me.
Since I had had success with calorie-counting before, that's where I started. I found something called "The Best Diet Plan," which outlined how to figure out how much protein, fats, and carbs you require daily, and explained the differences between trans-fat, saturated fat, monounsaturated fat, and unsaturated fat, as well as a little bit about the glycemic index, which is important for someone who may or may not be insulin resistant.
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| Polycystic Ovary Vs. Normal Ovary Found here. |
But there was no instruction on how to proceed to the next step. I knew how many calories I should be eating, and what they should consist of, but I didn't know what to do next. Complicating the matter, I also have to provide food for my husband, who would require almost a thousand more calories than I do a day.
Fortunately, my aunt had sent me a message the same day in response to an inquiry I had made on Facebook for low-GI recipes with some information on something called the "Slow-Carb Diet." Basically, you end up eating as much as you want of low-GI foods like vegetables, protein, and legumes, make sure to drink lots of water, then have one super awesome eat-anything-you-want day a week, and you're good. You don't count calories or anything, and both Charles and I get our fill without me having to worry about his portion versus mine.
I have personally found this way of eating to be quite enjoyable. I'm having to do more cooking (reconstituting dried beans, cooking meat, etc.) but I eat until I'm satisfied, and I don't feel at all guilty about what I ate, on top of which I love looking into my fridge and seeing a bunch of color. It makes my heart happy... literally!
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| Today, May 2013, about 270 pounds, and all my messy-haired,oily-faced me-ness. |
Additionally, a lot of my eating unhealthily has been due to laziness - I don't want to cook -insert healthier food option here- so I'd rather get it pre-made, or find anything that is. However, many things can be made to fit a lazy person's needs. For example, I made one or two pounds of pinto beans at once, bagged them up into two-cup baggies, and just grab one and dump it in a bowl when I want some. Done, and done. The same goes for meats and vegetables, although I love that many vegetables are perfectly delicious when raw.
The last couple of days, I have really wanted some sugary things I have in the house, but I know I just have to wait until Saturday and then I can have whatever I want, which is a great motivation. Homemade granola bars (which is what I have been craving) are already on that menu. In the meantime, I don't feel sluggish after eating meals, I sleep more soundly (because my body doesn't have all the extra calories running around, I'm guessing), and I can take honest pride in my nutrition.
As far as exercise is concerned, Charles and I have been getting out a little more, and I have been making an effort to be more active. At the moment, my goal is to get my nutrition under control and medications set, at which point we will move onto more significant exercise. (Getting used to a new medication and attempting to be appropriately active at the same time is actually quite difficult, in case you were wondering.)
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| Found here. |
PCOS has been beating me both physically and emotionally for a good majority of my life, and I think it's time I kicked it in the face. My goal is to handle my symptoms by eating right, taking the appropriate medications, and eventually exercising more.
I may occasionally provide you, my wonderful readers, with updates, though I will try not to make them nearly as long as this post has been. I also want to take a moment to thank all those who have supported me throughout the years. Depression, whether it is brought on by PCOS or something else, is hard. It can really hurt your life. I have had many friends who have stuck by my side no matter how far away we are from each other, or what may be happening. You (my friends,) my Savior, and my family are great buoys of strength, and I wouldn't be here if not for a combination of all three. Thank you.
Oh, and as a treat for those who actually read this monster post, here's a picture of my sister and I when we were really little. Yes, that yellow thing is a bird hanging on to my skirt.
Oh, and as a treat for those who actually read this monster post, here's a picture of my sister and I when we were really little. Yes, that yellow thing is a bird hanging on to my skirt.
Do you know anyone who has struggled with PCOS, depression, or other unseen medical trials? If you have personally experienced something along these lines, what are the best ways you have been supported or given support to those you love?
We love pizza at our house. Who doesn't? (You. Put that hand down!) There are a ton of different pizzas out there. Don't like one? There's bound to be another out there which is perfect for you!
Right now, my perfect pizza is the Tuscan Roma from Pizza Ranch. Yummy alfredo, thinly-sliced tomatoes, and fresh baby spinach combine on a thin, cripy crust to make pure pizza bliss.
That said, I don't know anyone who has the time and money to be ordering pizza all the time. (Anyone else just think of that hilarious picture with the lady saying "Ain't nobody got time for that?") But that doesn't mean you have to deprive yourself of Tuscan Roma-y goodness!
No way, Jose.
It wasn't long before I decided I had to make my own copycat recipe. I'm no Julia Child, so it's pretty simple, but simply delicious!
I've never made my own crust before, so that's where I started. I ended up using this recipe, which calls for ingredients I already had on-hand, including Italian seasoning - which was totally a plus. The recipe has you bake the crust for a few minutes, add the sauce, bake a couple more minutes, then add the toppings and bake some more.
I followed the instructions, using alfredo as my sauce. While the crust was baking, I shredded my whole-milk mozzarella, sliced my tomatoes, and pulled the stems off of my spinach. When the crust was ready, I added a thin layer of the shredded cheese, then the tomatoes, spinach, and the rest of the cheese.
I baked until the crust was starting to brown, then took it out to cool on a wire rack per the crust instructions.
Here's the final result:
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Isn't she beautiful?! Sure, the crust could have been a little more round, but a wiggly crust is just as delicious as a round one! This make a decent-sized pizza which I cut into fourths. This could easily have served two adults, especially if you had a side like veggies or a salad.
I ate the whole thing. I couldn't help myself. It was soooo good! I didn't miss Pizza Ranch at all. The crust recipe makes enough for two of these, so I intend to make another when the hubby gets home... or maybe for lunch tomorrow since it's not his favorite... or maybe something slightly different like this Pizza Margherita from the Cupcake Diaries.
Recipe:
For the dough: (From Fearless Homemaker - Link Here)
3/4 cups (6 ounces) of water
1/2 teaspoon of active-dry yeast (if using instant yeast, you don’t need to dissolve it during the first step)
2 cups (10 ounces, by weight) unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp kosher salt optional: 1/2 tsp italian seasoning (or any dried herbs of your choice) – I like to work herbs into the dough, but it’s wonderful without the herbs, too – your choice!
For the toppings:
1/4 cup of your favorite alfredo sauce (I just used Great Value brand)
4-6 oz whole milk mozzarella, shredded
1 medium tomato, sliced thinly
6-8 pieces of spinach (or however much you want/can fit)
Please go here to follow her wonderful instructions for the crust and baking in general. It's so easy, and so good. She really did a fabulous job.
With her crust and my toppings, you've got an absolutely delicious pizza on your hands! Enjoy!
I love waffles. They're so much better than pancakes, (unless said pancakes are made by my Grandpa and eaten with peanut butter and maple syrup.) A couple weeks ago, the hubby and I were perusing our local Hy Klas grocery store for goodies, and he "ooh"-ed over a lemon bundt cake.
Before I continue, I must include some back-story. My husband is very picky with two things: sweets and ties. For this reason, it took forever to pick out his wedding tie, and we had a small brownie at our wedding luncheon rather than a fancy cake. See, Charles prefers his sweets rather plain. A normal person, when presented with a heaping helping of cake, dives into the frosting on top, then the cake. Not Charles. He'd rather turn that cake upside-down and have nothing to do with the frosting. Truly, we make a good pair because he likes the dull inside parts, and I prefer the more flavorful bits.
So when we walked past the aforementioned bundt cake, I was shocked when he acted like it was the best thing ever. I happen to enjoy lemon treats, and he had never expressed any interest in anything like that before. I was tempted, but didn't feel like spending money that day. However, we picked it up a few days later when we were in the mood for something sweet again.
He proceeded to express his satisfaction audibly as he wolfed down the middle parts. I'll admit it was good, but not something I couldn't have whipped up myself if I actually owned a bundt pan. That got me thinking. If he liked it so much, what could I make which would be similarly-pleasing, but wouldn't break the budget?
I began by looking up lemon bundt cake recipes. I landed on this recipe from Chocolate, Chocolate and More. It sounded good, and all I needed was lemons! (Well, I didn't have cake flour either, but that wasn't difficult to substitute with some all-purpose flour and corn starch.)
Long story short, I used the recipe for some lemon muffins, and skipped the glaze. They were delicious and perfectly lemony. I'm sure I would have liked the glaze, but who really needs the extra calories? We ended up with over two dozen, and munched on them happily for several days.
But now I want more lemon. You see, when I find I like something, I must have it until I get utterly exhausted of it. Sometimes it's cheesy grits, other times it's cereal, occasionally it's something like pickles, shrimp, or fresh vegetables. Right now it's lemon.
Mmm. Lemon.
Well, since I've decided I like lemon (drops, cake, frosting, cookies, muffins, in salsa...) I thought it might be fun to add lemon to one of my long-time favorite foods: waffles. People are always adding things to breads, cookies, and other treats, so why not waffles? I'm no culinary expert, though, so I searched Pinterest for some good recipes.
I've decided I want to try one of the following two: Crispy Lemon Waffles or this recipe for lemon pancakes (thrown into my waffle maker, of course.) I'm leaning toward the latter because it requires less ingredients, but we'll see. Maybe I'll throw together my own version. (Maybe not.)
Stay tuned.
What are some of your favorite uses for lemon?
Lora.
Before I continue, I must include some back-story. My husband is very picky with two things: sweets and ties. For this reason, it took forever to pick out his wedding tie, and we had a small brownie at our wedding luncheon rather than a fancy cake. See, Charles prefers his sweets rather plain. A normal person, when presented with a heaping helping of cake, dives into the frosting on top, then the cake. Not Charles. He'd rather turn that cake upside-down and have nothing to do with the frosting. Truly, we make a good pair because he likes the dull inside parts, and I prefer the more flavorful bits.
So when we walked past the aforementioned bundt cake, I was shocked when he acted like it was the best thing ever. I happen to enjoy lemon treats, and he had never expressed any interest in anything like that before. I was tempted, but didn't feel like spending money that day. However, we picked it up a few days later when we were in the mood for something sweet again.
He proceeded to express his satisfaction audibly as he wolfed down the middle parts. I'll admit it was good, but not something I couldn't have whipped up myself if I actually owned a bundt pan. That got me thinking. If he liked it so much, what could I make which would be similarly-pleasing, but wouldn't break the budget?
I began by looking up lemon bundt cake recipes. I landed on this recipe from Chocolate, Chocolate and More. It sounded good, and all I needed was lemons! (Well, I didn't have cake flour either, but that wasn't difficult to substitute with some all-purpose flour and corn starch.)
Long story short, I used the recipe for some lemon muffins, and skipped the glaze. They were delicious and perfectly lemony. I'm sure I would have liked the glaze, but who really needs the extra calories? We ended up with over two dozen, and munched on them happily for several days.
But now I want more lemon. You see, when I find I like something, I must have it until I get utterly exhausted of it. Sometimes it's cheesy grits, other times it's cereal, occasionally it's something like pickles, shrimp, or fresh vegetables. Right now it's lemon.
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| Photo from here. |
Well, since I've decided I like lemon (drops, cake, frosting, cookies, muffins, in salsa...) I thought it might be fun to add lemon to one of my long-time favorite foods: waffles. People are always adding things to breads, cookies, and other treats, so why not waffles? I'm no culinary expert, though, so I searched Pinterest for some good recipes.
I've decided I want to try one of the following two: Crispy Lemon Waffles or this recipe for lemon pancakes (thrown into my waffle maker, of course.) I'm leaning toward the latter because it requires less ingredients, but we'll see. Maybe I'll throw together my own version. (Maybe not.)
Stay tuned.
What are some of your favorite uses for lemon?
Lora.
It's a common misconception that you must be pregnant to crave something. Just the other day, I was sitting in my room and I caught a whiff of my Scentsy Buddy's scent pack. It made me want fruit loops, and I don't even like fruit loops. They scratch the roof of my mouth, and for the next day or so every other food I eat burns those darn scratches. For the last couple days I have been craving pizza, but I didn't have the ingredients or the money to purchase some. Ahh!! So, the question today is "How can I possibly get pizza???"
The first night, the hubby was being stubborn and was against me purchasing pizza ingredients even though I offered to take the cost from my grocery budget. He wanted Pizza Hut or nothing, so we ended up having alphabet soup. I made this with the dried noodles the next day:
Anywho, the hubby called, as he usually does, when he was on his way home from work. He apologized for being stubborn the night before, then asked if I still wanted pizza. I said yes, and he asked me to send him the ingredient list for a recipe I'd seen a day or two before: Bubble-Up Pizza. He retrieved all the ingredients on his way home, and I cooked them up when he arrived. It was so good and super easy. Want a peek? I know you do!
YUM-O. It was so, so delicious, and it only requires biscuits, pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, and your favorite toppings. We added black olives and mushrooms. I was blessed to marry a man who has similar tastes in food, so I usually get what I want. Score!
This recipe fills a 9x13 pan easily. As the name suggests, it will "bubble-up" some, so I wouldn't recommend doubling the recipe unless you intend to use a larger pan or two separate pans. I neglected to add the mozzarella to the top of the dish before putting it in the oven, so about ten minutes before it was supposed to be done, I added it. Since it wasn't crispy like I wanted by the time it was finished, I turned on the broiler for a couple minutes and voila! Perfect, delicious, gooey and crispy cheese on top of my delicious creation. Nom nom nom.
(You might notice I have aluminum foil in my pan. Don't do that. Especially don't do that if you haven't sprayed your pan or foil with cooking spray.)
Needless to say, we will be making this again sometime soon.
Lora.
Welp, I'm going insane -- seriously, seriously insane -- and I need to get it out somewhere. Since no one really reads this, here goes nothing.
I want a baby so bad. I want one with every fiber of my being. Last night, I was feeling really down - to the point of curling up in a ball on the couch and crying. Charles was, as usual, extraordinarily sweet. He held me as much as he could without uncurling me, and asked what I needed. Cuddle time was definitely in order. So, we tromped off to the bed and he held me in his arms.
Still, though, I wasn't okay. He offered a blessing, which I accepted. The blessing brought comfort and words which I needed to hear. I suppose the Lord is testing my faith as he did with Sophia's birth. The blessing before her birth told us we would get to spend time with her -- something we'd been earnestly praying for -- something others have been denied with their angels time and again. Why should we be any different, right? But it happened. I was hesitantly hopeful of a confirmation of that blessing... and it happened.
Now comes another trial of my faith. Do I believe the Lord can do it again? Certainly. He can do anything. Do I believe He will? He will, if He has said He will. Faith, Lora, faith.Wait just a few more days. Allow faith to carry you until the blessing has been confirmed.
Please. Please. Please.
I want a baby so bad. I want one with every fiber of my being. Last night, I was feeling really down - to the point of curling up in a ball on the couch and crying. Charles was, as usual, extraordinarily sweet. He held me as much as he could without uncurling me, and asked what I needed. Cuddle time was definitely in order. So, we tromped off to the bed and he held me in his arms.
Still, though, I wasn't okay. He offered a blessing, which I accepted. The blessing brought comfort and words which I needed to hear. I suppose the Lord is testing my faith as he did with Sophia's birth. The blessing before her birth told us we would get to spend time with her -- something we'd been earnestly praying for -- something others have been denied with their angels time and again. Why should we be any different, right? But it happened. I was hesitantly hopeful of a confirmation of that blessing... and it happened.
Now comes another trial of my faith. Do I believe the Lord can do it again? Certainly. He can do anything. Do I believe He will? He will, if He has said He will. Faith, Lora, faith.Wait just a few more days. Allow faith to carry you until the blessing has been confirmed.
Please. Please. Please.
One of my favorite websites is Pinterest, and even though many things on that website are totally overdone, I really wanted to do one of them. There's a photo which reads: "On new year's eve, I want you to kiss me. Kiss me at 11:59 and do not finish that kiss until 12:01. Therefore, I have a perfect ending and definitely a perfect beginning."
December 31st, 2012 at 11:58, I was sitting next to my husband on our double recliner watching the time on both our computer and my phone. I wanted to make sure we didn't miss the year rolling over because last year we were about 7 minutes late. Charles jumped up to kiss me, and his effort made me smile, but it just wasn't the same as actually kissing at midnight! With the saying from Pinterest in mind, I asked Charles to oblige (like that was even an issue) and we made it!! We got that perfect end and perfect beginning I'd been wanting last time.
Really, though, we were together, healthy, and happy. It would have been perfect either way.
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