Welp, I'm going insane -- seriously, seriously insane -- and I need to get it out somewhere. Since no one really reads this, here goes nothing.
I want a baby so bad. I want one with every fiber of my being. Last night, I was feeling really down - to the point of curling up in a ball on the couch and crying. Charles was, as usual, extraordinarily sweet. He held me as much as he could without uncurling me, and asked what I needed. Cuddle time was definitely in order. So, we tromped off to the bed and he held me in his arms.
Still, though, I wasn't okay. He offered a blessing, which I accepted. The blessing brought comfort and words which I needed to hear. I suppose the Lord is testing my faith as he did with Sophia's birth. The blessing before her birth told us we would get to spend time with her -- something we'd been earnestly praying for -- something others have been denied with their angels time and again. Why should we be any different, right? But it happened. I was hesitantly hopeful of a confirmation of that blessing... and it happened.
Now comes another trial of my faith. Do I believe the Lord can do it again? Certainly. He can do anything. Do I believe He will? He will, if He has said He will. Faith, Lora, faith.Wait just a few more days. Allow faith to carry you until the blessing has been confirmed.
Please. Please. Please.
One of my favorite websites is Pinterest, and even though many things on that website are totally overdone, I really wanted to do one of them. There's a photo which reads: "On new year's eve, I want you to kiss me. Kiss me at 11:59 and do not finish that kiss until 12:01. Therefore, I have a perfect ending and definitely a perfect beginning."
December 31st, 2012 at 11:58, I was sitting next to my husband on our double recliner watching the time on both our computer and my phone. I wanted to make sure we didn't miss the year rolling over because last year we were about 7 minutes late. Charles jumped up to kiss me, and his effort made me smile, but it just wasn't the same as actually kissing at midnight! With the saying from Pinterest in mind, I asked Charles to oblige (like that was even an issue) and we made it!! We got that perfect end and perfect beginning I'd been wanting last time.
Really, though, we were together, healthy, and happy. It would have been perfect either way.
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