The Label I'll Accept

I'm not one for labels, but I think one I might contentedly accept is that of "introvert." According to the all-knowing Google, an introvert is "a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person." While this is not a highly favorable definition, it does reflect the typical opinion of such a person. After a quick search for a more satisfying definition, I found this about.com page, which states (with my notes in parentheses - please click on the link to read the article note-free):

Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. ((While I would personally include the "shy" part for myself, I do agree that this is different for each person. Heck, an extrovert can be shy too, but be affected differently!)) Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. 

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge." ((This is so true for me. I never just go to the mall for the "fun" of it or search out party/dance invitations. Environments full of people - even those I know - tend to be very stressful for me. While I consider myself to have decent social skills, I just feel totally out of place in those situations. My only solace is finding or bringing a good friend who is willing to stick with me through the place or event - including large grocery stores and certain activities. Hubby has learned not to leave me alone in unfamiliar places because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me.))

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. ((This is something I love about my relationship with Hubby. While we are often in the same room, we are comfortable with doing our own little activities. We enjoy spending time together, but we are also content with silence, which can be very refreshing for someone like myself.))

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. ((Put simply, I despise small talk. I feel like it is a waste of time, and conversations typically end in an awkward "Well, bye...."))

I feel this definition more thoroughly and adequately describes how I would consider myself, as an introvert. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I do believe it can "hurt" you socially. Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends. I tended to be friendly with those with whom I had things in common - my advanced class classmates, fellow choir members, ward members, etc. However, when all was said and done, I was perfectly happy just going straight from class to class, then right home. I didn't require time out with friends - seeing them at school or wherever else was enough to fill my social quota for the day.

This isn't to say I didn't have friends I considered close and enjoyed being around - I just didn't need to be in contact for longer than we naturally were. Class, lunch, and the occasional hang out were enough. Now, as I said previously, I despise small talk. I have always despised small talk. In fact, I used to become anxious whenever I needed to use a phone because I was all about the "meat" of the conversation while many other people enjoy basking in the "fluff." I don't enjoy fluff. just get down to business. Please tell me what you called to say right away. If we had a freak storm recently, please feel free to bring up the weather. If either of us were recently ill, go right on and talk about that. Politics? Eh, that's not really my thing in any situation. In any case, when the meat is gone, the conversation is over. No fluff for me, thanks.

The largest downside I've experienced with being introverted is that people tend to assume I'm "snobby" or find me unapproachable. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, or above conversation, I just prefer to actually have something to talk about when I find myself in a conversation with someone. I can't count how many times a simple "Hey, how are you?" has quickly descended into awkwardness (a word which might as well be my middle name when it comes to social interactions.) I do genuinely care about other people. I just don't have the greatest way of expressing myself. I have other ways - ways I've been working on for years - of showing my concern for other people. I smile, make eye contact, maybe stalk a bit on Facebook (*ahem*), express my thoughts to those I spend the most time with (Hubby and my mom, mostly), and - should opportunity arise - I talk to them specifically.

Society would like you to believe you should be extroverted, that there's something wrong with you if you're not comfortable with talking about nothing in particular every time the opportunity arises. As I grew up, I believed this too. I accepted the label of "shy girl" and just went on with life. I held many appointed leadership positions, lead group projects, had stimulating conversations, frequently spoke up in class, enjoyed my share of invigorating debates, and joined a couple clubs I quite enjoyed. Sure, I could have done more. My social anxiety kept me from doing a few things I wished I could have enjoyed longer, but I did finally get there and I had a good time, too.

I'd like to direct you to an article I found by the Huffington Post: 16 Outrageously Successful Introverts. Click on over and see if you recognize any of those people. I'd be willing to bet you do. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert - it's just different. As written by the wise Dr. Suess, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" As the article states, "one third to one half of the population, are introverts." I guess we're not so different after all.