We're gonna have a baby.
(A baby GIRL!)
And she'll be whole and perfect!
Charlotte Rose Lacey - coming March 2014.
I'm not one for labels, but I think one I might contentedly accept is that of "introvert." According to the all-knowing Google, an introvert is "a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person." While this is not a highly favorable definition, it does reflect the typical opinion of such a person. After a quick search for a more satisfying definition, I found this about.com page, which states (with my notes in parentheses - please click on the link to read the article note-free):
Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. ((While I would personally include the "shy" part for myself, I do agree that this is different for each person. Heck, an extrovert can be shy too, but be affected differently!)) Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge." ((This is so true for me. I never just go to the mall for the "fun" of it or search out party/dance invitations. Environments full of people - even those I know - tend to be very stressful for me. While I consider myself to have decent social skills, I just feel totally out of place in those situations. My only solace is finding or bringing a good friend who is willing to stick with me through the place or event - including large grocery stores and certain activities. Hubby has learned not to leave me alone in unfamiliar places because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me.))
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. ((This is something I love about my relationship with Hubby. While we are often in the same room, we are comfortable with doing our own little activities. We enjoy spending time together, but we are also content with silence, which can be very refreshing for someone like myself.))
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. ((Put simply, I despise small talk. I feel like it is a waste of time, and conversations typically end in an awkward "Well, bye...."))
I feel this definition more thoroughly and adequately describes how I would consider myself, as an introvert. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I do believe it can "hurt" you socially. Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends. I tended to be friendly with those with whom I had things in common - my advanced class classmates, fellow choir members, ward members, etc. However, when all was said and done, I was perfectly happy just going straight from class to class, then right home. I didn't require time out with friends - seeing them at school or wherever else was enough to fill my social quota for the day.
This isn't to say I didn't have friends I considered close and enjoyed being around - I just didn't need to be in contact for longer than we naturally were. Class, lunch, and the occasional hang out were enough. Now, as I said previously, I despise small talk. I have always despised small talk. In fact, I used to become anxious whenever I needed to use a phone because I was all about the "meat" of the conversation while many other people enjoy basking in the "fluff." I don't enjoy fluff. just get down to business. Please tell me what you called to say right away. If we had a freak storm recently, please feel free to bring up the weather. If either of us were recently ill, go right on and talk about that. Politics? Eh, that's not really my thing in any situation. In any case, when the meat is gone, the conversation is over. No fluff for me, thanks.
The largest downside I've experienced with being introverted is that people tend to assume I'm "snobby" or find me unapproachable. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, or above conversation, I just prefer to actually have something to talk about when I find myself in a conversation with someone. I can't count how many times a simple "Hey, how are you?" has quickly descended into awkwardness (a word which might as well be my middle name when it comes to social interactions.) I do genuinely care about other people. I just don't have the greatest way of expressing myself. I have other ways - ways I've been working on for years - of showing my concern for other people. I smile, make eye contact, maybe stalk a bit on Facebook (*ahem*), express my thoughts to those I spend the most time with (Hubby and my mom, mostly), and - should opportunity arise - I talk to them specifically.
Society would like you to believe you should be extroverted, that there's something wrong with you if you're not comfortable with talking about nothing in particular every time the opportunity arises. As I grew up, I believed this too. I accepted the label of "shy girl" and just went on with life. I held many appointed leadership positions, lead group projects, had stimulating conversations, frequently spoke up in class, enjoyed my share of invigorating debates, and joined a couple clubs I quite enjoyed. Sure, I could have done more. My social anxiety kept me from doing a few things I wished I could have enjoyed longer, but I did finally get there and I had a good time, too.
I'd like to direct you to an article I found by the Huffington Post: 16 Outrageously Successful Introverts. Click on over and see if you recognize any of those people. I'd be willing to bet you do. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert - it's just different. As written by the wise Dr. Suess, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" As the article states, "one third to one half of the population, are introverts." I guess we're not so different after all.
Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. ((While I would personally include the "shy" part for myself, I do agree that this is different for each person. Heck, an extrovert can be shy too, but be affected differently!)) Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge." ((This is so true for me. I never just go to the mall for the "fun" of it or search out party/dance invitations. Environments full of people - even those I know - tend to be very stressful for me. While I consider myself to have decent social skills, I just feel totally out of place in those situations. My only solace is finding or bringing a good friend who is willing to stick with me through the place or event - including large grocery stores and certain activities. Hubby has learned not to leave me alone in unfamiliar places because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me.))
When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. ((This is something I love about my relationship with Hubby. While we are often in the same room, we are comfortable with doing our own little activities. We enjoy spending time together, but we are also content with silence, which can be very refreshing for someone like myself.))
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. ((Put simply, I despise small talk. I feel like it is a waste of time, and conversations typically end in an awkward "Well, bye...."))
I feel this definition more thoroughly and adequately describes how I would consider myself, as an introvert. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I do believe it can "hurt" you socially. Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends. I tended to be friendly with those with whom I had things in common - my advanced class classmates, fellow choir members, ward members, etc. However, when all was said and done, I was perfectly happy just going straight from class to class, then right home. I didn't require time out with friends - seeing them at school or wherever else was enough to fill my social quota for the day.
This isn't to say I didn't have friends I considered close and enjoyed being around - I just didn't need to be in contact for longer than we naturally were. Class, lunch, and the occasional hang out were enough. Now, as I said previously, I despise small talk. I have always despised small talk. In fact, I used to become anxious whenever I needed to use a phone because I was all about the "meat" of the conversation while many other people enjoy basking in the "fluff." I don't enjoy fluff. just get down to business. Please tell me what you called to say right away. If we had a freak storm recently, please feel free to bring up the weather. If either of us were recently ill, go right on and talk about that. Politics? Eh, that's not really my thing in any situation. In any case, when the meat is gone, the conversation is over. No fluff for me, thanks.
The largest downside I've experienced with being introverted is that people tend to assume I'm "snobby" or find me unapproachable. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, or above conversation, I just prefer to actually have something to talk about when I find myself in a conversation with someone. I can't count how many times a simple "Hey, how are you?" has quickly descended into awkwardness (a word which might as well be my middle name when it comes to social interactions.) I do genuinely care about other people. I just don't have the greatest way of expressing myself. I have other ways - ways I've been working on for years - of showing my concern for other people. I smile, make eye contact, maybe stalk a bit on Facebook (*ahem*), express my thoughts to those I spend the most time with (Hubby and my mom, mostly), and - should opportunity arise - I talk to them specifically.
Society would like you to believe you should be extroverted, that there's something wrong with you if you're not comfortable with talking about nothing in particular every time the opportunity arises. As I grew up, I believed this too. I accepted the label of "shy girl" and just went on with life. I held many appointed leadership positions, lead group projects, had stimulating conversations, frequently spoke up in class, enjoyed my share of invigorating debates, and joined a couple clubs I quite enjoyed. Sure, I could have done more. My social anxiety kept me from doing a few things I wished I could have enjoyed longer, but I did finally get there and I had a good time, too.
I'd like to direct you to an article I found by the Huffington Post: 16 Outrageously Successful Introverts. Click on over and see if you recognize any of those people. I'd be willing to bet you do. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert - it's just different. As written by the wise Dr. Suess, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" As the article states, "one third to one half of the population, are introverts." I guess we're not so different after all.
I wrote this paper three nearly years ago, and it's been sitting on my computer ever since. As I obviously was loathe to delete it, I thought I would share it with you all. I'll even throw in the "Works Cited" page, for those of you who'd like to ooh and ahh over it:
What
Great Things the Lord Hath Done for the House of Israel
When
I first began thinking about what I would write for this paper, all I
could come up with was what I didn't want to write about. From what
I can tell, there’s nothing more irritating than having to read
around several hundred essays which are all centered on the same
generic topics. Accordingly, my paper has two main directives.
Directive one: choose an interesting and (hopefully) unique topic
which won’t bore poor Brother Butterfield. Directive two: gain a
greater understanding of said topic through thorough research and
personal pondering. The topic I've chosen is the “great things
the Lord hath done for [the house of Israel],” as stated in the
title page of the Book of Mormon. These “things” can be found all
over – in both recent history and the ancient beginnings of our
church, the scriptures, and even in our very own lives.
Our
Heavenly Father is omniscient, which means He “knoweth all things,
for all things are present before [Him]” (D&C 38:2). He has
worked nonstop to make sure His purposes are fulfilled. For example,
we have what we need in the Book of Mormon because He knew Joseph
Smith would allow Martin Harris to take the 116 pages which are now
lost forever. From the beginning, that was a part of His plan. The
Lord would not allow us to suffer simply because Joseph Smith and
Martin Harris needed to learn a lesson. The work still needed to move
along. It’s mind-boggling to even attempt to understand all the
buffers the Lord has blessed us with. As members of Christ’s
restored church on the earth, I submit we often take our many
blessings for granted. In reality, nothing about this church is, has
been, or ever will be easy. Take the atonement, the key to eternal
salvation, for example. Was it easy for Christ to lead a completely
sinless life? Was his suffering in Gethsemane a pleasant experience?
No and no. Even Christ, the greatest man who ever walked the earth,
was tempted. When our Lord and Savior was at one of his physically
weakest points, having undergone a lengthy fast necessary in his
preparations for his ministry, the devil came to him, tempting him to
use his divine powers to attain food. He went through trials and
overcame each one for us. The very fact that Christ condescended to
come to earth and suffer in the way He did, is an excellent example
of the great things the Lord has done for us, the House of Israel.
Similarly, Joseph Smith Jr. and his brother Hyrum were martyred for
the cause of the restoration. Living as Latter-Day Saints has not
gotten any easier necessarily, but we tend not to realize the gravity
of the sacrifices other people have had to endure for the Gospel.
The
Lord’s blessings have not only been for us in the last several
hundred years. He has been doing great things for the people on this
earth even since before we knew we would be coming down here. He
first allowed us our agency to choose to whether or not to come down
to earth, to accept the trials we knew we would have to face, then
sent us off to use our agency here… but He has never left us
completely alone. Even those who were on the earth when the
priesthood had been taken away have the ability to reap the blessings
of the atonement. He has provided a way for us to do the work for
them here, at which point they still
have the agency to accept or deny the truth. In addition, the Lord
has done many other marvelous things for His people. There was
nothing ordinary about Moses splitting the Red Sea so the Israelites
could cross to safety on dry ground, nor can anyone deny the hand of
the Lord in the story of Sherem in Jacob, chapter 7, where he was
preaching “among the people, and [declaring] unto them that there
should be no Christ,” demanded a sign from Jacob, and was dead not
long after confessing he’d been wrong the whole time. The Lord will
do what is necessary for His people, even if it involves sacrificing
one or a few of His children so the testimonies of others can grow.
Another
great example of how the Lord has gone to great lengths for the House
of Israel is part of the story of original household
of Israel. What were the chances that Joseph, who was sold into
captivity by his brothers and ended up in prison after Potiphar’s
sly wife wrongfully accused him of attempting to seduce her, would
essentially become an economic adviser to the Pharaoh? Then, on top
of all of that, what were the chances that his brothers would end up
coming to him in humility, actually sorry for what they’d done?
When you think of the improbability of each of these things happening
to one person, it’s easy to believe the Lord has done many great
things for the House of Israel and continues to do so.
In
2 Nephi 28:27 it says “Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have
received, and we need no more!” This verse is in reference to
continuing revelation, which is another way the Lord has done great
things for His people, but I believe it also makes a strong case for
the Lord’s continual blessings for us. He, better than all people,
knows the trials we are going through and desires to help us, should
we allow Him to. The great things the Lord does for us don’t have
to be earth-shattering miracles. They could be as simple as providing
an opportunity for your testimony to grow. As a member of the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have the unique opportunity
to hold a compilation of the experiences and revelations of many
inspired prophets in the palm of my hand: the Book of Mormon. All
throughout the scriptures we see examples of how the House of Israel
is being led away from the ways they know to be right by the devil’s
cunning traps. Too often are we lulled into a false sense of security
and allow Satan to influence our lives. One tactic he uses is doubt.
This concept is evident in the title page of the Book of Mormon, when
Moroni writes “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes
of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be
found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.” I remember the
first time I found a typo in my copy of the Book of Mormon – I was
shocked. How could the most correct book in all of human history have
a typo? My young testimony was bruised as doubt began to seep into my
soul. Then one day I came upon this scripture and this reality hit me
in the face: the Book of Mormon is a true book written by imperfect
humans for imperfect humans. The Gospel will still be true, even and
especially if my copy of the truth carries a typo, I don’t quite
understand, or if I don’t like the way something was said. What
matters is that the Book of Mormon came from the Lord, who cares
about us and knows what we need to hear. In that experience, I was
given the opportunity to learn and grow because the Lord had seen fit
to inspire those words from Moroni to the world.
The
Lord continues to bless the House of Israel. Examples of His
blessings can be found in every aspect of our lives and histories
because everything about this earth was built to facilitate
successful earthly experiences. He loves us and He has already given
everything: His divine guidance, a living prophet, valiant prophets
of the past, and even an atoning sacrifice which we could not have
done by ourselves. It’s up to us now to realize our many blessings
and seize the great opportunities of life and the Gospel which the
Lord has labored to offer us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Works
Cited
"2 Nephi
Chapter 28." The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/28.27?lang=eng#26>.
"Doctrine and
Covenants Section 38." The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28
Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/38.2?lang=eng#1>.
Hunter, Howard W.
"The Temptations of Christ - Ensign Nov. 1976." The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/ensign/1976/11/the-temptations-of-christ?lang=eng>.
"Jacob Chapter
7." The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/7?lang=eng>.
Matthew.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/4.4?lang=eng#3>.
Maxwell, Neal A. All
These Things Shall Give Thee Experience. Salt
Lake City, UT: Deseret Book, 1979. Print. * I would have cited the
specific section you gave us, but I'm not sure exactly where it is in
the book.
Moroni. "The
Book of Mormon: An Account Written by the Hand of Mormon upon Plates
Taken from the Plates of Nephi." The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Trans. Joseph Smith Jr. Web. 28 Oct. 2010.
<http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/bofm-title?lang=eng&query=book
mormon title page>.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
0
comments
{{Link}} "Walter Joshua Fretz" The boy touching hearts everywhere.
I recently came across an article giving an example of how developed babies are very early on, even while pro-abortionists claim they are only a "clump of cells." Interested, I did some digging to find the original source.
"Walter Joshua Fretz – The story of our son who is impacting so many even though he was on this earth for only a few minutes"
The baby in the article is only about 17 weeks old (assuming they conceived the average of two weeks into the mother's cycle.) That's not even half as old as a "full-term" baby, and he certainly doesn't look like a "clump of cells." Even at that age, he looks like a tiny human.
I was touched by this mother's story, and I feel for her. There's nothing like going into labor knowing your child will die - and to have this happen unexpectedly, in an unfamiliar place, with staff (at the beginning) who were nothing short of apathetic? I would be terrified.
On one note, I must applaud this mother: If I had been relegated to the emergency room and started to feel like I was going into labor at only 19 weeks along, I might not have been so patient. I probably would have insisted I be seen, rather than waiting until it was far too late to possibly salvage the pregnancy. Additionally, she seems to hold no grudge against them, even now. Of course, it would not help her to hold a grudge - it would not change the outcome one bit. She has chosen to focus on the positive - her perfect child included - instead of the negative. Good for her!
I also feel for the OB staff. I do not envy their position, as I know the staff where we had our baby were very deeply impacted by her delivery - and they were prepared for her birth! I mean, I'm sure they're not totally unaccustomed to loss, but I'm also sure they prefer to deliver healthy, living babies. I know our situation made my OB very solemn about the whole thing. This woman's situation is not entirely uncommon, but it is certainly something which people attempt to avoid.
In any case, I hope you read her article, and spend some time in awe over her sweet little boy. He is as beautiful as his story, and I pray he is allowed to continue inspiring hope through his short stay here on earth.
"Walter Joshua Fretz – The story of our son who is impacting so many even though he was on this earth for only a few minutes"
The baby in the article is only about 17 weeks old (assuming they conceived the average of two weeks into the mother's cycle.) That's not even half as old as a "full-term" baby, and he certainly doesn't look like a "clump of cells." Even at that age, he looks like a tiny human.
I was touched by this mother's story, and I feel for her. There's nothing like going into labor knowing your child will die - and to have this happen unexpectedly, in an unfamiliar place, with staff (at the beginning) who were nothing short of apathetic? I would be terrified.
On one note, I must applaud this mother: If I had been relegated to the emergency room and started to feel like I was going into labor at only 19 weeks along, I might not have been so patient. I probably would have insisted I be seen, rather than waiting until it was far too late to possibly salvage the pregnancy. Additionally, she seems to hold no grudge against them, even now. Of course, it would not help her to hold a grudge - it would not change the outcome one bit. She has chosen to focus on the positive - her perfect child included - instead of the negative. Good for her!
I also feel for the OB staff. I do not envy their position, as I know the staff where we had our baby were very deeply impacted by her delivery - and they were prepared for her birth! I mean, I'm sure they're not totally unaccustomed to loss, but I'm also sure they prefer to deliver healthy, living babies. I know our situation made my OB very solemn about the whole thing. This woman's situation is not entirely uncommon, but it is certainly something which people attempt to avoid.
In any case, I hope you read her article, and spend some time in awe over her sweet little boy. He is as beautiful as his story, and I pray he is allowed to continue inspiring hope through his short stay here on earth.
I always tend to think that Charles and I don't have much. Frankly we don't, compared to many U.S. families. Compared to families in, say, Nigeria, we have quite a lot. Either way, I am very grateful for what we do have. We do have a room to ourselves in a house with running water, electricity, and family just a shout away. We do have a nice - albeit secondhand - bed. We do have three adorable, cuddly cats and a loyal dog. We do have enough money to suit our immediate needs and set a tiny bit aside for baby essentials. We do have a loving relationship and budding fondness for our little one in the making. We do have so much, comparatively.
Just this morning, I had the opportunity to see my obstetrician and check on our baby's development. Everything looked just as it should - skull, spine, and all! What an immense blessing to have the equipment and medical professionals necessary to monitor fetal development, especially after what has happened before.
No, living in an upstairs bedroom of my mother's house isn't an ideal situation, especially with a baby on the way. But we're so very blessed to have family willing to help us out when we needed a place to move, and it's solely our space. How many people don't even have that much?
No, we aren't rolling in money, but we certainly have what we need at this particular moment. We have food, water, air conditioning, a roof over our heads, and we're not falling into more and more debt. Sure, we have debts to pay, but most of them were incurred by my darling husband before we got married. The other notable debts are our car, which is a perfectly reasonable debt, and a credit card which got us through the difficulties of living on one minimum-wage salary when we were first married.
I've just been looking around our room. I enjoy my time in here, and actually feel quite comfortable. Even with the basics, we make it work. Frankly, that's something I've been saying a lot lately: I'm just trying to make do with what we have. It's easy to think we don't have much, but we really are rolling in the blessings.
Just this morning, I had the opportunity to see my obstetrician and check on our baby's development. Everything looked just as it should - skull, spine, and all! What an immense blessing to have the equipment and medical professionals necessary to monitor fetal development, especially after what has happened before.
No, living in an upstairs bedroom of my mother's house isn't an ideal situation, especially with a baby on the way. But we're so very blessed to have family willing to help us out when we needed a place to move, and it's solely our space. How many people don't even have that much?
No, we aren't rolling in money, but we certainly have what we need at this particular moment. We have food, water, air conditioning, a roof over our heads, and we're not falling into more and more debt. Sure, we have debts to pay, but most of them were incurred by my darling husband before we got married. The other notable debts are our car, which is a perfectly reasonable debt, and a credit card which got us through the difficulties of living on one minimum-wage salary when we were first married.
I've just been looking around our room. I enjoy my time in here, and actually feel quite comfortable. Even with the basics, we make it work. Frankly, that's something I've been saying a lot lately: I'm just trying to make do with what we have. It's easy to think we don't have much, but we really are rolling in the blessings.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
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comments
{{Link}} "16 (+15) Ways I Blew My Marriage" + "Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had"
A few weeks ago, I happened upon this link (I think he uses an occasional swear word): "16 Ways I Blew My Marriage" I had read this article before, but Charles hadn't. Since we were taking some special time together, I thought it might be nice to take turns reading each of the reasons. We cuddled-up together and started reading.
Each suggestion made a lot of sense. Honestly, I felt pretty good about myself each time we read a reason which we were already implementing in our marriage. There are plenty of stories of couples who just "grew apart" or "fell out of love," and that's not something Charles and I want for our marriage. Frankly, I don't think anyone who sincerely loves their spouse wants their marriage to end - even those in relationships which are having troubles.
Even in happy marriages, his suggestions make a lot of sense. A few days after reading the article, Charles showed up after work in nice, clean clothes, freshly-shaved, and smelling quite nice. That was his way of utilizing the "Don't Stop Trying to Be Attractive" suggestion. While I love my tired, jeans-and-t-shirt, working man any day, it's nice when he makes an extra effort to be attractive just for me.
At the end of the initial 16 suggestions, it turned out he had written another 15. "The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage" This time, neither of us had read the article and, since we enjoyed the first one, we dove right in! A few days later, a friend shared this link on Facebook: "Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had" Though his list was much shorter, his suggestions made tons of sense too.
Since then, all these words of advice have been rattling around in my head. Ten years from now, I don't want to be the couple that just "lost it." I want to continually be working on our marriage, and keeping it strong - as it should be. I'm very seriously considering writing these different "ways" down somewhere where I can see them, or at least one or two I want to work on at the time. It's so easy to just fall into a rut and let your relationship sink by the wayside. I would rather take the time to maintain our relationship then have to piece together a relationship which has been needing some TLC for quite a while.
Either way, I would definitely suggest anyone who is serious about any romantic relationship read these three articles and find ways to implement them. Even if all you do is work on one thing at a time.
Each suggestion made a lot of sense. Honestly, I felt pretty good about myself each time we read a reason which we were already implementing in our marriage. There are plenty of stories of couples who just "grew apart" or "fell out of love," and that's not something Charles and I want for our marriage. Frankly, I don't think anyone who sincerely loves their spouse wants their marriage to end - even those in relationships which are having troubles.
Even in happy marriages, his suggestions make a lot of sense. A few days after reading the article, Charles showed up after work in nice, clean clothes, freshly-shaved, and smelling quite nice. That was his way of utilizing the "Don't Stop Trying to Be Attractive" suggestion. While I love my tired, jeans-and-t-shirt, working man any day, it's nice when he makes an extra effort to be attractive just for me.
At the end of the initial 16 suggestions, it turned out he had written another 15. "The OTHER 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage" This time, neither of us had read the article and, since we enjoyed the first one, we dove right in! A few days later, a friend shared this link on Facebook: "Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had" Though his list was much shorter, his suggestions made tons of sense too.
Since then, all these words of advice have been rattling around in my head. Ten years from now, I don't want to be the couple that just "lost it." I want to continually be working on our marriage, and keeping it strong - as it should be. I'm very seriously considering writing these different "ways" down somewhere where I can see them, or at least one or two I want to work on at the time. It's so easy to just fall into a rut and let your relationship sink by the wayside. I would rather take the time to maintain our relationship then have to piece together a relationship which has been needing some TLC for quite a while.
Either way, I would definitely suggest anyone who is serious about any romantic relationship read these three articles and find ways to implement them. Even if all you do is work on one thing at a time.
A friend on Facebook posted THIS LINK on her wall, and I love it! Some of my favorite lines:
Really, this article is great, so I would highly suggest you read it for yourself! He has a lot of great wisdom to share, and I only hope Charles and I can convey a similar message to our boys when we catch "the look."
"It's a woman's responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing - or not wearing. But don't. Don't play the victim." (Italics added.)
"Humans objectify the things they love in an effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object."
"Let's be clear: a woman's body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things."
"Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex." (Italics added.)
Really, this article is great, so I would highly suggest you read it for yourself! He has a lot of great wisdom to share, and I only hope Charles and I can convey a similar message to our boys when we catch "the look."
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