Tuesday, June 24, 2014 0 comments

17 Miracles

First of all, I want to say I highly recommend the movie "17 Miracles" for anyone who likes a heart-wrenching story. This one is centered around true accounts from the Willie and Martin LDS handcart companies who travelled on the Oregon Trail to Utah. Be prepared to ball your eyes out, especially if you have ever lost anyone or, frankly, if you have a soul at all.

:::SPOILERS (if you're unfamiliar with the stories):::

I looooved this movie. It was so, so touching, and I love that they did a "where everyone ended up" summary at the end so you knew what happened after the trek. I managed to keep composed for most of it. Then came a portion near the end, where they were showing most of the deaths. What really got me was a woman handing over her bundle -- obviously meant to be a baby. I felt overwhelmed and began to sob. I know what it's like to hand over your deceased child, knowing you won't see them again in this life. I cried the hardest at two points with Sophia: after getting her diagnosis, and immediately following placing her in the coroner's basket. I sobbed then and I sobbed now, watching that scene. From that point on, I was a blubbery mess.

God has blessed me now with another bundle to love, but that doesn't negate what I went through with Sophia. The past made me who I am today. While what I went through is nothing compared to the Saints who traveled on the Oregon Trail, I can at the very least empathize with losing your infant. 

Other losses struck me too -- there was a woman who lost the man she was meant to marry, and many who lost children and spouses. Each loss is unique but always difficult. I am in awe over the sacrifices these many people made for their faith, whether it be life, limb, or comfort.

:::End Spoilers:::

This movie was so amazing. I may not make much sense at the moment, but I just wanted to write these feelings down while they were still fresh. Even if you are not LDS, this movie is excellent and filled with true stories, so that makes it even better!
Friday, May 30, 2014 0 comments

Talk in Church - Waiting On the Lord

Sooo I was asked to give a talk in church. I thought I'd copy and paste it here for posterity!


At certain times in my life, I have wondered why my prayers were seemingly not answered as quickly as I thought they should be. After the passing of our first child, my husband and I waited the requisite three months to try and conceive again. We desperately wanted a child – not only to fill the holes in our hearts and empty arms, but also simply because we yearned to be parents. This pursuit, we reasoned, was a righteous one, and after the loss of our child certainly the Lord would quickly grant our desire.
A month passed, then another. Soon, my body stopped functioning the way I needed it to so we could conceive. I became very discouraged. We had been faithful. We had followed the Lord through one of the most difficult trials either of us had faced, yet here we were, struggling to fulfill our righteous desires.
By the time we’d reached three months post-partum, Charles and I were living in Plattsburg in a home we were renting from an acquaintance of my brother. It was a cute little house and we loved having our own place, but we soon realized why the house had be sitting empty before we moved in.  One of those reasons: Mold. It was in the kitchen, around appliances, under carpets which had been soaked over and over again from a leak in the back door, and ohhhh that smell wafting up from the basement….
While we loved the independence, we realized the living situation was anything but hygienic, and Charles’s hours had become irregular and sporadic at work. We decided to move. With all my focus on the move, I didn’t think much of the strange symptoms I had begun to experience. It’s so easy to hope yourself into symptoms that I’d decided to let my body do its thing and essentially ignore the signs I’d been waiting for.
Long story short: we’d conceived Charlotte. They say “hindsight is 20/20” and Charles and I both believe the Lord was waiting for us to leave a potentially harmful situation before blessing us with the little girl we so desperately desired. To add to this, Charles lost his job shortly after we moved. Had we been living where we were before, we would not have been able to meet our financial obligations.
How often have you noticed the wisdom of the Lord’s timing when looking in hindsight? How many times have you thought “I’m glad this certain thing didn’t happen at that point because it did happen at the best time possible”? I’m sure each one of us has an example of a time we had planned to be somewhere and one thing or another prevented us from keeping those plans. We then found out something would have happened if we’d been there, or things turn out better for us in the alternate plans.
Let’s pretend you were alive during 1912. You’re originally from Ireland, but seeking more opportunities for you and your family. You scrimp, save, and sacrifice in order to secure steerage tickets on a ship heading to America. When the day comes to leave, you’re all packed and ready to go. You couldn’t be more excited. You arrive early to drop off your bags – only something is wrong. Somehow, you’ve misplaced one of the tickets and you need all of them to get your family onto the ship. You’re devastated as, later that day, the ship you’d dreamt about taking you to a better life leaves without you. Life proceeds as it had before while you work on purchasing tickets for another voyage. Would you be tempted to sink into despair? To question why the Lord had deserted you when you were just trying to get a better life for your family?
What if I told you the ship you were trying to go to America on didn’t make it. It hit an ice burg and sank, killing over 1500 people. As a man, you had an 80% chance of perishing in the accident. As a woman or child you would have had a better chance of survival, but do you think any of those who missed being on the Titanic felt upset they had missed it after hearing of the disaster which awaited the passengers? Do you think they had more trust for the Lord and His plans when they realized they may not have survived the trip they’d desperately wanted to take?
Elder Neal A. Maxwell said “Faith [in the Lord] includes trust in [his] timing.” We know the Lord loves us. He has already demonstrated this. He wants the best for us and has only asked us to ask Him and have faith that He will provide. When we really want (or even feel we need) something, do we trust that He will provide it when the time is right or do we think we must have it this instant?
At risk of death glares, I will share another personal example. I attended public school, and it seemed there was always something my school had me bringing home which asked for money. Money was always fairly tight growing up, and I remember my mother frequently groaning and asking “When is the last day to turn in the money?” I came to both expect and dread this question, but I would answer her none-the-less and typically the requests were met with payment by the time it was due. Even better, whatever benefit I gained from payment of the money was always the same as those who had paid early – it didn’t matter that it’d come “just in time.”
Our Lord does something similar, only He doesn’t need to ask when you need something. He knows what you need and exactly when you need it. Unfortunately, many people fall prey to worry and anxiety, forgetting to recognize that if they truly need something, the Lord will provide.
I have a dear friend who recently offered me several bags of baby girl clothing she had been saving for years in hopes of clothing her own little girl one day – a girl who has yet to come to their family. Although she had been collecting this clothing for years and likely had an emotional attachment to some of the pieces, she freely offered her entire stash, saying, essentially, “If we end up needing girl clothes in the future, we’ll come up with them. The Lord has always provided for us. What we need may come just in the nick of time, but we always have it when we need it.”
This struck me because I’m a worrier of the worst kind. When I face an issue, especially those I can’t control, I agonize over solutions. Where will the money we need come from? When will we be able to be on our own? What is the best answer for this or that? I want answers now, and if I can’t find them I tend to search and search until I wear myself out.
When I was asked to give this talk, I was told the topic was to be “waiting on the Lord.” As in, waiting for His will to be done in your life. However, sometimes people tend to interpret this as “waiting on the Lord to give me what I want.” I want to be able to provide nice things for my family and not have to struggle with money. I want to be patient and kind, preferably without having to endure the experiences it takes to become so. I want to see my daughter again – like, now. I want peace in the world, to know my Great-Grandmother and all sorts of worthy things…. But do I need them at this moment in my life? If someone we love passes away, or something negative happens in the world, does that mean the Lord doesn’t love me or care what I want?
My life has been a process of learning to accept that the Lord knows what I want and what I need. Many times, I have wanted something intensely, only to find the realization of that goal would have kept me from even greater blessings in the future. The Lord has said “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” He can see the past, the present, and the future all in one eternal round. He knows what is best for me in my life; even if that means righteous desires go unfulfilled. Sometimes even certain righteous desires, like having children, a reunited family, health and strength, et cetera, are not what are best for us in that moment or in our lives at all. We must learn to be grateful for our Savior’s wisdom in blessing us with what we actually need instead of focusing on what we might feel we have been denied.
Faith in our Savior means accepting His timetables and the absolute fact that He wants you to have what you need. Those who study their scriptures daily can attest that the Lord frequently answers burning, current life questions through the words of long-deceased prophets - but not a second before you start looking. Sacrament meetings have long heard accounts of one thing or another coming in an hour of need from unclear origins.
These examples are often as simple as a home or visiting teacher calling to check on someone when they feel moved to do so, or there suddenly being enough money in the bank to cover all your bills when, just days or hours before, there seemed not to be. Occasionally, what we actually need is patience and we are tasked with waiting for answers; or humility and we must be willing to ask for or accept help.
Do you have faith in the Lord’s timing or do you - like I tend to do - agonize and worry away moments in which we could be building our faith in the Savior and His infinite ability to provide? Do you trust Him to guide your life in ways which benefit you in the eternities better than you can imagine with your finite understanding? I urge you, when you feel like giving up or like situations in your life are hopeless, to instead get down on your knees and pray for an increased measure of faith in the Lord’s timing and to be able to accept His plans as your own because, in the end, maybe that’s actually what you needed all along.

I submit that, instead of “waiting on the Lord” to decide to bless us with something, He is waiting on us – to learn an important lesson, grow our faith, increase our patience, foster humility, or even just be humble enough to ask. 
Thursday, January 30, 2014 0 comments

My Husband

I've been thinking of a post like this for quite a while. Maybe it's silly, but I really want to get it out, so bear with me.

We've all seen newlyweds on Facebook post the obligatory "My husband/wife is the best!" Well, I'm here to say my husband really is the best - he's the very best for me.

My husband may not be great for my best girlfriend or some single lady walking down Main Street, but he is my rock. With him, I found the kind of connection where silence is comfortable and encounters aren't forced; where silliness is perfectly okay - even encouraged - and all we want from each other is each other.

I hadn't exactly lived in a bubble before Charles. I'd had feelings for other men before I knew he even existed. However, being with or around them was never as natural as being with Charles, and I always felt like there was at least one thing I couldn't stand. With Charles, we clicked instantly. He met every important criteria, and I have never felt like I had to pretend or try to hide the geeky or weak parts of myself.

I love when he sings to me. I love how he holds me, and how he can only sleep if I'm next to him. I love that he doesn't leave without kissing me and telling me he loves me, and I love that he does the best he can to provide for us. I love that we make goofy faces at each other, and have our own little code for speaking without words. I love that making him happy makes me happy too.

Do we have the exact same interests? Nope! I could never pretend to like football as much as he does, and he could never get as excited about a new skein of yarn as I do. Aside from our interest in each other, we love our children, bowling, cuddling, caring for animals, shooting, going to the temple, etc.

The best place for me is with him - working, growing, loving, learning - and it's exactly where I intend to stay. I have been so blessed. My husband really is the best, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014 0 comments

So...

Dear blog world,

Sorry I've been M.I.A. for a while. I have been occasionally writing in a journal to Charlotte, but that's about it. I came back from the hospital yesterday after a bad run-in with both dehydration and migraine headaches. Right now I'm basically just drinking water like a maniac, trying to make sure I get enough food to eat, and making a valiant effort to stay sane until Charlotte decides it's time to show her pretty little face. As I type, she's kicking away. So things are good, I'm just anxious. It's been difficult to separate this pregnancy from Sophia's. Charlotte's baby shower is next week, which is new territory for me. I'm hoping that'll be enough to really make a difference.

For now,

Adieu.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013 0 comments

Whoa.

We're gonna have a baby.

(A baby GIRL!)

And she'll be whole and perfect!

Charlotte Rose Lacey - coming March 2014.
Monday, September 30, 2013 0 comments

The Label I'll Accept

I'm not one for labels, but I think one I might contentedly accept is that of "introvert." According to the all-knowing Google, an introvert is "a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person." While this is not a highly favorable definition, it does reflect the typical opinion of such a person. After a quick search for a more satisfying definition, I found this about.com page, which states (with my notes in parentheses - please click on the link to read the article note-free):

Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. ((While I would personally include the "shy" part for myself, I do agree that this is different for each person. Heck, an extrovert can be shy too, but be affected differently!)) Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. 

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge." ((This is so true for me. I never just go to the mall for the "fun" of it or search out party/dance invitations. Environments full of people - even those I know - tend to be very stressful for me. While I consider myself to have decent social skills, I just feel totally out of place in those situations. My only solace is finding or bringing a good friend who is willing to stick with me through the place or event - including large grocery stores and certain activities. Hubby has learned not to leave me alone in unfamiliar places because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me.))

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. ((This is something I love about my relationship with Hubby. While we are often in the same room, we are comfortable with doing our own little activities. We enjoy spending time together, but we are also content with silence, which can be very refreshing for someone like myself.))

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. ((Put simply, I despise small talk. I feel like it is a waste of time, and conversations typically end in an awkward "Well, bye...."))

I feel this definition more thoroughly and adequately describes how I would consider myself, as an introvert. I do not believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I do believe it can "hurt" you socially. Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends. I tended to be friendly with those with whom I had things in common - my advanced class classmates, fellow choir members, ward members, etc. However, when all was said and done, I was perfectly happy just going straight from class to class, then right home. I didn't require time out with friends - seeing them at school or wherever else was enough to fill my social quota for the day.

This isn't to say I didn't have friends I considered close and enjoyed being around - I just didn't need to be in contact for longer than we naturally were. Class, lunch, and the occasional hang out were enough. Now, as I said previously, I despise small talk. I have always despised small talk. In fact, I used to become anxious whenever I needed to use a phone because I was all about the "meat" of the conversation while many other people enjoy basking in the "fluff." I don't enjoy fluff. just get down to business. Please tell me what you called to say right away. If we had a freak storm recently, please feel free to bring up the weather. If either of us were recently ill, go right on and talk about that. Politics? Eh, that's not really my thing in any situation. In any case, when the meat is gone, the conversation is over. No fluff for me, thanks.

The largest downside I've experienced with being introverted is that people tend to assume I'm "snobby" or find me unapproachable. I don't think I'm "better" than anyone else, or above conversation, I just prefer to actually have something to talk about when I find myself in a conversation with someone. I can't count how many times a simple "Hey, how are you?" has quickly descended into awkwardness (a word which might as well be my middle name when it comes to social interactions.) I do genuinely care about other people. I just don't have the greatest way of expressing myself. I have other ways - ways I've been working on for years - of showing my concern for other people. I smile, make eye contact, maybe stalk a bit on Facebook (*ahem*), express my thoughts to those I spend the most time with (Hubby and my mom, mostly), and - should opportunity arise - I talk to them specifically.

Society would like you to believe you should be extroverted, that there's something wrong with you if you're not comfortable with talking about nothing in particular every time the opportunity arises. As I grew up, I believed this too. I accepted the label of "shy girl" and just went on with life. I held many appointed leadership positions, lead group projects, had stimulating conversations, frequently spoke up in class, enjoyed my share of invigorating debates, and joined a couple clubs I quite enjoyed. Sure, I could have done more. My social anxiety kept me from doing a few things I wished I could have enjoyed longer, but I did finally get there and I had a good time, too.

I'd like to direct you to an article I found by the Huffington Post: 16 Outrageously Successful Introverts. Click on over and see if you recognize any of those people. I'd be willing to bet you do. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert - it's just different. As written by the wise Dr. Suess, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" As the article states, "one third to one half of the population, are introverts." I guess we're not so different after all.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013 0 comments

The Survivalist Religion Paper

I wrote this paper three nearly years ago, and it's been sitting on my computer ever since. As I obviously was loathe to delete it, I thought I would share it with you all. I'll even throw in the "Works Cited" page, for those of you who'd like to ooh and ahh over it:

What Great Things the Lord Hath Done for the House of Israel

When I first began thinking about what I would write for this paper, all I could come up with was what I didn't want to write about. From what I can tell, there’s nothing more irritating than having to read around several hundred essays which are all centered on the same generic topics. Accordingly, my paper has two main directives. Directive one: choose an interesting and (hopefully) unique topic which won’t bore poor Brother Butterfield. Directive two: gain a greater understanding of said topic through thorough research and personal pondering. The topic I've chosen is the “great things the Lord hath done for [the house of Israel],” as stated in the title page of the Book of Mormon. These “things” can be found all over – in both recent history and the ancient beginnings of our church, the scriptures, and even in our very own lives.

Our Heavenly Father is omniscient, which means He “knoweth all things, for all things are present before [Him]” (D&C 38:2). He has worked nonstop to make sure His purposes are fulfilled. For example, we have what we need in the Book of Mormon because He knew Joseph Smith would allow Martin Harris to take the 116 pages which are now lost forever. From the beginning, that was a part of His plan. The Lord would not allow us to suffer simply because Joseph Smith and Martin Harris needed to learn a lesson. The work still needed to move along. It’s mind-boggling to even attempt to understand all the buffers the Lord has blessed us with. As members of Christ’s restored church on the earth, I submit we often take our many blessings for granted. In reality, nothing about this church is, has been, or ever will be easy. Take the atonement, the key to eternal salvation, for example. Was it easy for Christ to lead a completely sinless life? Was his suffering in Gethsemane a pleasant experience? No and no. Even Christ, the greatest man who ever walked the earth, was tempted. When our Lord and Savior was at one of his physically weakest points, having undergone a lengthy fast necessary in his preparations for his ministry, the devil came to him, tempting him to use his divine powers to attain food. He went through trials and overcame each one for us. The very fact that Christ condescended to come to earth and suffer in the way He did, is an excellent example of the great things the Lord has done for us, the House of Israel. Similarly, Joseph Smith Jr. and his brother Hyrum were martyred for the cause of the restoration. Living as Latter-Day Saints has not gotten any easier necessarily, but we tend not to realize the gravity of the sacrifices other people have had to endure for the Gospel.

The Lord’s blessings have not only been for us in the last several hundred years. He has been doing great things for the people on this earth even since before we knew we would be coming down here. He first allowed us our agency to choose to whether or not to come down to earth, to accept the trials we knew we would have to face, then sent us off to use our agency here… but He has never left us completely alone. Even those who were on the earth when the priesthood had been taken away have the ability to reap the blessings of the atonement. He has provided a way for us to do the work for them here, at which point they still have the agency to accept or deny the truth. In addition, the Lord has done many other marvelous things for His people. There was nothing ordinary about Moses splitting the Red Sea so the Israelites could cross to safety on dry ground, nor can anyone deny the hand of the Lord in the story of Sherem in Jacob, chapter 7, where he was preaching “among the people, and [declaring] unto them that there should be no Christ,” demanded a sign from Jacob, and was dead not long after confessing he’d been wrong the whole time. The Lord will do what is necessary for His people, even if it involves sacrificing one or a few of His children so the testimonies of others can grow.

Another great example of how the Lord has gone to great lengths for the House of Israel is part of the story of original household of Israel. What were the chances that Joseph, who was sold into captivity by his brothers and ended up in prison after Potiphar’s sly wife wrongfully accused him of attempting to seduce her, would essentially become an economic adviser to the Pharaoh? Then, on top of all of that, what were the chances that his brothers would end up coming to him in humility, actually sorry for what they’d done? When you think of the improbability of each of these things happening to one person, it’s easy to believe the Lord has done many great things for the House of Israel and continues to do so.

In 2 Nephi 28:27 it says “Yea, wo be unto him that saith: We have received, and we need no more!” This verse is in reference to continuing revelation, which is another way the Lord has done great things for His people, but I believe it also makes a strong case for the Lord’s continual blessings for us. He, better than all people, knows the trials we are going through and desires to help us, should we allow Him to. The great things the Lord does for us don’t have to be earth-shattering miracles. They could be as simple as providing an opportunity for your testimony to grow. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have the unique opportunity to hold a compilation of the experiences and revelations of many inspired prophets in the palm of my hand: the Book of Mormon. All throughout the scriptures we see examples of how the House of Israel is being led away from the ways they know to be right by the devil’s cunning traps. Too often are we lulled into a false sense of security and allow Satan to influence our lives. One tactic he uses is doubt. This concept is evident in the title page of the Book of Mormon, when Moroni writes “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.” I remember the first time I found a typo in my copy of the Book of Mormon – I was shocked. How could the most correct book in all of human history have a typo? My young testimony was bruised as doubt began to seep into my soul. Then one day I came upon this scripture and this reality hit me in the face: the Book of Mormon is a true book written by imperfect humans for imperfect humans. The Gospel will still be true, even and especially if my copy of the truth carries a typo, I don’t quite understand, or if I don’t like the way something was said. What matters is that the Book of Mormon came from the Lord, who cares about us and knows what we need to hear. In that experience, I was given the opportunity to learn and grow because the Lord had seen fit to inspire those words from Moroni to the world.

The Lord continues to bless the House of Israel. Examples of His blessings can be found in every aspect of our lives and histories because everything about this earth was built to facilitate successful earthly experiences. He loves us and He has already given everything: His divine guidance, a living prophet, valiant prophets of the past, and even an atoning sacrifice which we could not have done by ourselves. It’s up to us now to realize our many blessings and seize the great opportunities of life and the Gospel which the Lord has labored to offer us.

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Works Cited

"2 Nephi Chapter 28." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010. <http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/28.27?lang=eng#26>.

"Doctrine and Covenants Section 38." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010. <http://new.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/38.2?lang=eng#1>.

Hunter, Howard W. "The Temptations of Christ - Ensign Nov. 1976." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010. <http://new.lds.org/ensign/1976/11/the-temptations-of-christ?lang=eng>.

"Jacob Chapter 7." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010. <http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/7?lang=eng>.

Matthew. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 28 Oct. 2010. <http://new.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/4.4?lang=eng#3>.

Maxwell, Neal A. All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book, 1979. Print. * I would have cited the specific section you gave us, but I'm not sure exactly where it is in the book.


Moroni. "The Book of Mormon: An Account Written by the Hand of Mormon upon Plates Taken from the Plates of Nephi." The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Trans. Joseph Smith Jr. Web. 28 Oct. 2010. <http://new.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/bofm-title?lang=eng&query=book mormon title page>. 
 
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